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Page of a travel journal
Message de lisoupop posté le 22-02-2010 à 16:28:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voici un petit texte que j'ai écrit. C'est une page d'un journal de bord parlant d'un trappeur. J'ai déjà vérifié plusieurs fois mes erreurs mais n'étant qu'au collège, j'aurais besoin de vos avis. Pouvez-donc m'aider à corriger mes erreurs ?
Merci (beaucoup) d'avance,
Lisoupop
"May, 6 th
It was sunny, the thermometer was about 20 degrees. I got dressed and prepared breakfast in my wooden cabins. That day, I went to the Indian’s tribe. I wanted to exchange furs with them. I took my bag, my shoes and caught my rifle.
I walked through the woods and valleys. I set a new trap and I saw raccoons, beavers, fishes…The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indian’s campment. I saw my friend Titakomak, a brave Indian and the chief. I exchanged furs, bones, hide and blankets. These Indians were not hostile.
Then, I left, I walked along the river. Suddenly, I heard a small noise. It was coming from the bush. I approached and I saw a wolf. I prepared my rifle then I perceived 3 wolf cubs. I lowered my rifle because these babies were very nice. They were playing together. I promised to seeing discretely the next day. Even if you are a trapper we can be moved."
MERCI
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Modifié par lisoupop le 22-02-2010 16:29
Message de lisoupop posté le 22-02-2010 à 16:28:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voici un petit texte que j'ai écrit. C'est une page d'un journal de bord parlant d'un trappeur. J'ai déjà vérifié plusieurs fois mes erreurs mais n'étant qu'au collège, j'aurais besoin de vos avis. Pouvez-donc m'aider à corriger mes erreurs ?
Merci (beaucoup) d'avance,
Lisoupop
"May, 6 th
It was sunny, the thermometer was about 20 degrees. I got dressed and prepared breakfast in my wooden cabins. That day, I went to the Indian’s tribe. I wanted to exchange furs with them. I took my bag, my shoes and caught my rifle.
I walked through the woods and valleys. I set a new trap and I saw raccoons, beavers, fishes…The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indian’s campment. I saw my friend Titakomak, a brave Indian and the chief. I exchanged furs, bones, hide and blankets. These Indians were not hostile.
Then, I left, I walked along the river. Suddenly, I heard a small noise. It was coming from the bush. I approached and I saw a wolf. I prepared my rifle then I perceived 3 wolf cubs. I lowered my rifle because these babies were very nice. They were playing together. I promised to seeing discretely the next day. Even if you are a trapper we can be moved."
MERCI
-------------------
Modifié par lisoupop le 22-02-2010 16:29
Réponse: Page of a travel journal de laure95, postée le 22-02-2010 à 18:37:03 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Voici ce que tu dois corriger:
"May, 6 th
It was sunny, the thermometer (ou simplement IT) was about 20 degrees. I got dressed and prepared my breakfast in my wooden cabins (pourquoi le pluriel?). On That day, I went to and saw the Indian
I walked through the woods and valleys. I set a new trap and
Then, I left, I walked along the river. Suddenly, I heard a small (pas le bon mot) noise. It was coming from the bush. I approached and
Que veint faire cette phrase ici?
Réponse: Page of a travel journal de lisoupop, postée le 22-02-2010 à 20:43:09 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup.Je vais corriger ces fautes.
Je te remercie encore
.Lisoupop
Réponse: Page of a travel journal de piquoc, postée le 23-02-2010 à 17:05:14 (S | E)
Bonjour; j'ai juste une question. Pourquoi avez-vous dit "caught my rifle"? Le verbe "to catch" = attraper. Si vous pensez au verbe "saisir", en français, il faut dire "caught up . . . " ou même "snatched up", quoique ce dernier indiquerait une action plutôt impulsive.
ENcampment, pas "ancampment"
Well done for all the rest.
Réponse: Page of a travel journal de lisoupop, postée le 24-02-2010 à 16:26:06 (S | E)
Oui je voulais dire "saisir", le trappeur saisit son fusil (il prépare ses affaires).
Merci beaucoup,
Lisoupop
Réponse: Page of a travel journal de lisoupop, postée le 25-02-2010 à 18:08:08 (S | E)
Voici donc la correction, d'après vos remarques.
"May, 6 th
It was sunny; the thermometer was about 20 degrees. I got dressed and prepared my breakfast in my wooden cabin. On that day, I went to and saw the Indian’s tribe. I wanted to exchange furs with them. I took my bag, shoes and caught my rifle.
I walked through the woods and valleys. I set a new trap and saw some raccoons, beavers, fish…The road was long and I was tired but I was determined! After many hours, I arrived at the Indians’ camp. I saw my friend Titakomak, a brave Indian and the chief. I exchanged some furs, bones and blankets. Those Indians were not hostile.
Then, I left, I walked along the river. Suddenly, I heard a small noise. It was coming from the bush. I approached and saw a wolf. I prepared my rifle then I perceived 3 wolf cubs. I lowered my rifle because those babies were very nice. They were playing together. I promised to see discretely the next day. Even if you are a trapper we can be moved."
A la fin, je devais donner une petite conclusion, une sorte d'impression, voilà donc le sens de la dernière phrase.
Merci encore de vos aides.
Lisoupop
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