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Correction/ my diary
Message de alexane01 posté le 18-02-2010 à 17:20:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j'ai passé l'après-midi pour essayer de faire quelque chose qui vient de moi mais les difficultés que j'ai en anglais ne m'aident pas.
Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider, me dire les choses qui ne vont pas? Le sujet était d'écrire un extrait de journal intime en racontant un problème que l'on aurait vécu à l'école. Il fallait débuter par Ok don't panic, se rassurer au cours de l'extrait et utiliser l'obligation au passé (had to).
Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!
But this time, things have moved to higher level! I to come back in my home, the last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class was decided to test the effects of a leaf of pencil on my arm ...
It forced me to bring her back money if I hoped she stops me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in the purse of my parents. But, she said me that it wasn't enough, that peace has a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said myself : what I do? Maybe she will stop if I to bring back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or the police, because she maybe take revenge, and the situation would be deteriorate. But, it is necessary that I speak, she is a child too and his parents will be, certainly, very unhappy with what she did ... I hadn't to worry, everything is going to be all right !
Merci de bien vouloir m'aider.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-02-2010 21:05
pour ces efforts qui vous feront progresser.
Message de alexane01 posté le 18-02-2010 à 17:20:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j'ai passé l'après-midi pour essayer de faire quelque chose qui vient de moi mais les difficultés que j'ai en anglais ne m'aident pas.
Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider, me dire les choses qui ne vont pas? Le sujet était d'écrire un extrait de journal intime en racontant un problème que l'on aurait vécu à l'école. Il fallait débuter par Ok don't panic, se rassurer au cours de l'extrait et utiliser l'obligation au passé (had to).
Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!
But this time, things have moved to higher level! I to come back in my home, the last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class was decided to test the effects of a leaf of pencil on my arm ...
It forced me to bring her back money if I hoped she stops me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in the purse of my parents. But, she said me that it wasn't enough, that peace has a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said myself : what I do? Maybe she will stop if I to bring back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or the police, because she maybe take revenge, and the situation would be deteriorate. But, it is necessary that I speak, she is a child too and his parents will be, certainly, very unhappy with what she did ... I hadn't to worry, everything is going to be all right !
Merci de bien vouloir m'aider.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-02-2010 21:05
pour ces efforts qui vous feront progresser. Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 18-02-2010 à 18:18:54 (S | E)
Re bonjour,
Merci pour ce travail plus personnel:
had to est le prétérit de must et donnera à votre texte une nuance d'obligation."j'ai dû faire ceci ou cela", il est donc assez facile de le placer plusieurs fois:
rouge: à corriger (couleur traumatisante en plus !!)
vert: corrections ou ajouts.
Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!
But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I to come (à mettre au prétérit irrégulier) back
It forced me to (C'est le moment de mettre: I had to bring her ...)bring her back money if I hoped she stops (construction du verbe vouloir: I want her to stop being violent with me. Adaptez !)me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in the purse of my parents (le cas possessif irait mieux: exemple: my friends'dog). But, she said(mettez plutôt le prétérit de to tell) me that it wasn't enough, that peace has(prétérit) a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said to myself : what I do(traduisez:: Que puis-je faire ?)? Maybe she will stop if I
Bon courage, ex miss reverso
Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 18-02-2010 à 23:02:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Envoyez votre travail sur le forum public et non pas à mon adresse personnelle, tous ceux qui lisent vos textes profitent ainsi des corrections.
Bonsoir !
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide. Cette fois-ci, est ce que tout est correcte ? Est-ce que le contenu est pertinent ? Cela rentre t-il bien dans le cadre du sujet ?
Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!
But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I to(ne laissez pas ce to devant une forme conjuguée) came back home last night with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class had decided to test the effects of a pencil lead on my arm ...
I had to bring her back money if I want(prétérit) her to stop being violent with me
Un auxiliaire a tendance 1) à capturer et abréger la négation, 2) à être suivi d'une base verbale, d'un infinitif SANS to.
I can't come, I won't come, I didn't come, I mustn't come, I needn't come.
Réponse: Correction/ my diary de alexane01, postée le 19-02-2010 à 11:55:31 (S | E)
Bonjour !
Voila, j'ai corrigé mes dernières fautes, enfin j'espère ;) Merci beaucoup de votre aide et pour les explications. Certaines choses sont plus claires maintenant.
A bientot.
Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!
But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I came back home last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class had decided to test the effects of a pencil lead on my arm ...
I had to bring her back money if I wanted her to stop being violent with me. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in my parents'purse. But, she told me that it wasn't enough, that peace had a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said to myself : what can I do? Maybe she will stop if I bring her back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or to the police, maybe because she will take her revenge on me, and the situation will get worse. But, I have to admit, she is a child too and her parents will certainly be very unhappy with what she did ... I neeedn't worry, everything is going to be all right !
Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 19-02-2010 à 12:13:05 (S | E)
ok ! enlevez les virgules de I have to admit.
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