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Enquête / Correction
Message de sucre posté le 24-01-2010 à 15:48:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je viens de terminer un devoir d'anglais (il fallait raconter une enquête, à partir d'un jeu fait en classe) mais je pense avoir fait beaucoup d'erreurs et j'aimerais qu'on me corrige. Merci d'avance à ceux qui essaieront et bonne journée à tous ! =)
Voici le texte :
" The scene took place in a house. The corpse was in the bath : the shower curtain had been ripped off. The victim, a 30-year-old-man, had been stabbed. His watch had been stopped at 8:03 pm, so he had probably been killed at this time. To find the murderer, I began to look for clues in the house.
In the bathroom, I found a great amount of bleach. Someone had wanted to cover the tracks. There was a paper in the dustbin : it said “If you want to see your husband alive, you will to come to the Canbana Inn room 44 tomorrow at 7 p.m. You will come alone and bring 100 thousand dollars. If you call the police, he will die. If you aren’t alone, he will die.” It was a threat letter : the victim’s wife owed to obey if she wanted her husband not to die. I also found a page of journal, behind the toilet, which said that a woman had won a 100 000 dollars prize. Did she be the victim’s wife ? The weapon, a knife covered with blood, was in the flush : With a brush, a fingerprint tape and dusting agent, I took the suspect’s fingerprint. It was the same as/that the fingerprint found on a red lipstick, above the sink !
Later, I visited the lounge. I found a cartridge behind the TV set (I tought two people had maybe been killed here..), a car key, a cell phone battery in the middle drawer of the cupboard and the victim’s notebook in the large drawer. But a page had been tore out : then, I used my trusty pencil to be able to read. The victim had written his new PIN. There was a blood spot next to the door : apparently, the murderer had forgotten to bleach here.
Afterwards, I searched in the wardrobe of the victim. There was a suitcase, with clothes : perhaps the victim wanted to leave his house.. but why ? I also found a wallet in the pocket of the victim’s coat. Inside, there was a bill : The victim had eaten supper with someone (a woman ?) at 5:30 pm and paid.
There was not more than the bedroom. In the bed, there was a blond human hair. I began to understand and suspected a woman – the lover of the victim. Did it be a fictive abduction ? An attempt to trick the money out of the victim's wife ?
Under the bed, I found the cell phone. With the battery and the PIN, I was able to see the last message. It said : “Martha won’t bother us anymore. I’ve got the prize.”
After some searches, I knew that the victim was called Jason Reilly, his wife Martha and his lover Anna Bonasera. The case was solved.
Anna Bonasera and Jason Reilly, learning that Martha had just won a 100 000 dollar prize, decided to kill her for money. Their idea was to pretend the kidnapping of Martha’s husband. If she wanted to see him alive, she owed to come to the Cabana Inn, room 44, with the money. When she arrived, they killed her. They hidden the 100 000 dollars in the safe. But Anna had come back to her lover’s house and had stabbed him. She wanted to come to look for the money later, but wasn’t able to do it : the police arrested her, and she admitted to be guilty. Martha's body was then found in the trunk of a car. "
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Modifié par bridg le 24-01-2010 16:38
titre
Message de sucre posté le 24-01-2010 à 15:48:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je viens de terminer un devoir d'anglais (il fallait raconter une enquête, à partir d'un jeu fait en classe) mais je pense avoir fait beaucoup d'erreurs et j'aimerais qu'on me corrige. Merci d'avance à ceux qui essaieront et bonne journée à tous ! =)
Voici le texte :
" The scene took place in a house. The corpse was in the bath : the shower curtain had been ripped off. The victim, a 30-year-old-man, had been stabbed. His watch had been stopped at 8:03 pm, so he had probably been killed at this time. To find the murderer, I began to look for clues in the house.
In the bathroom, I found a great amount of bleach. Someone had wanted to cover the tracks. There was a paper in the dustbin : it said “If you want to see your husband alive, you will to come to the Canbana Inn room 44 tomorrow at 7 p.m. You will come alone and bring 100 thousand dollars. If you call the police, he will die. If you aren’t alone, he will die.” It was a threat letter : the victim’s wife owed to obey if she wanted her husband not to die. I also found a page of journal, behind the toilet, which said that a woman had won a 100 000 dollars prize. Did she be the victim’s wife ? The weapon, a knife covered with blood, was in the flush : With a brush, a fingerprint tape and dusting agent, I took the suspect’s fingerprint. It was the same as/that the fingerprint found on a red lipstick, above the sink !
Later, I visited the lounge. I found a cartridge behind the TV set (I tought two people had maybe been killed here..), a car key, a cell phone battery in the middle drawer of the cupboard and the victim’s notebook in the large drawer. But a page had been tore out : then, I used my trusty pencil to be able to read. The victim had written his new PIN. There was a blood spot next to the door : apparently, the murderer had forgotten to bleach here.
Afterwards, I searched in the wardrobe of the victim. There was a suitcase, with clothes : perhaps the victim wanted to leave his house.. but why ? I also found a wallet in the pocket of the victim’s coat. Inside, there was a bill : The victim had eaten supper with someone (a woman ?) at 5:30 pm and paid.
There was not more than the bedroom. In the bed, there was a blond human hair. I began to understand and suspected a woman – the lover of the victim. Did it be a fictive abduction ? An attempt to trick the money out of the victim's wife ?
Under the bed, I found the cell phone. With the battery and the PIN, I was able to see the last message. It said : “Martha won’t bother us anymore. I’ve got the prize.”
After some searches, I knew that the victim was called Jason Reilly, his wife Martha and his lover Anna Bonasera. The case was solved.
Anna Bonasera and Jason Reilly, learning that Martha had just won a 100 000 dollar prize, decided to kill her for money. Their idea was to pretend the kidnapping of Martha’s husband. If she wanted to see him alive, she owed to come to the Cabana Inn, room 44, with the money. When she arrived, they killed her. They hidden the 100 000 dollars in the safe. But Anna had come back to her lover’s house and had stabbed him. She wanted to come to look for the money later, but wasn’t able to do it : the police arrested her, and she admitted to be guilty. Martha's body was then found in the trunk of a car. "
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Modifié par bridg le 24-01-2010 16:38
titre
Réponse: Enquête / Correction de gerondif, postée le 24-01-2010 à 16:01:01 (S | E)
Bonjour,
The scene took place in a house. The corpse was in the bath : the shower curtain had been ripped off. The victim, a 30-year-old-man, had been stabbed. His watch had
In the bathroom, I found a great amount of bleach. Someone had wanted to cover the tracks. There was a (piece of)paper in the dustbin : it said “If you want to see your husband alive, you will to come to the Canbana Inn room 44 tomorrow at 7 p.m. You will come alone and bring 100 thousand dollars. If you call the police, he will die. If you aren’t alone, he will die.” It was a threat letter : the victim’s wife owed(mauvais usage du dictionnaire,to owe: avoir des dettes envers,cherchez le prétérit de must, son remplaçant) to obey if she wanted her husband not to die. I also found a page of journal, behind the toilet, which said that a woman had won a 100 000 dollars prize. Did she be (horreur !!)the victim’s wife ? The weapon, a knife covered with blood, was in the flush : With a brush, a fingerprint tape and dusting agent, I took the suspect’s fingerprint. It was the same as/that the fingerprint found on a red lipstick, above the sink !
Later, I visited the lounge. I found a cartridge(cartouche. bullet: balle case: douille) behind the TV set (I tought two people had maybe been killed here..), a car key, a cell phone battery in the middle drawer of the cupboard and the victim’s notebook in the large drawer. But a page had been tore(participe passé) out : then, I used my trusty pencil to be able to read. The victim had written his new PIN. There was a blood spot next to the door : apparently, the murderer had forgotten to bleach here.
Afterwards, I searched in the wardrobe of the victim. There was a suitcase, with clothes : perhaps the victim wanted to leave his house.. but why ? I also found a wallet in the pocket of the victim’s coat. Inside, there was a bill : The victim had eaten supper with someone (a woman ?) at 5:30 pm and paid.
There was not more than (sens ?)the bedroom. In the bed, there was a blond (piece of)human hair. I began to understand and suspected a woman – the lover of the victim. Did it be (re horreur)a fictive abduction ? An attempt to trick the money out of the victim's wife ?
Under the bed, I found the cell phone. With the battery and the PIN, I was able to see the last message. It said : “Martha won’t bother us anymore. I’ve got the prize.”
After some searches(=fouilles, cherchez plutôt enquête, investigation), I knew that the victim was called Jason Reilly, his wife Martha and his lover Anna Bonasera. The case was solved.
Anna Bonasera and Jason Reilly, learning that Martha had just won a 100 000 dollar prize, decided to kill her for money. Their idea was to pretend the kidnapping of Martha’s husband. If she wanted to see him alive, she owed to come to the Cabana Inn, room 44, with the money. When she arrived, they killed her. They hidden(prétérit) the 100 000 dollars in the safe. But Anna had come back to her lover’s house and had stabbed him. She wanted to come to look for the money later, but wasn’t able to do it : the police arrested her, and she admitted to be (ing) guilty. Martha's body was then found in the trunk of a car. "
Réponse: Enquête / Correction de sucre, postée le 24-01-2010 à 17:23:23 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup Gerondif ! Je vais corriger tout ça :D
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