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Once upon a time / correction
Message de gloomiest-m posté le 06-01-2010 à 19:25:08 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, pour un devoir d'anglais de complément j'ai du écrire un conte, en anglais. Et je pense qu'il y a quelques erreur de grammaire, ou de style par-ci par-là... Je me suis relu activement, mais je ne suis pas bilingue, donc forcément tout n'est pas bon...
C'est pour cela que je vous demande amicalement si vous pouviez me corriger, rapidement, ce devoir.
PS: il est à rendre demain ... =S
Merci à vous. Bonne année.
Once upon a time, there was a young prince named Guéwen. He was the worst prince that his country, Erewhon, had known. He was handsome, tall, blond, and had very beautiful eyes. In addition, every princess wished that they could marry him. Nevertheless, the day after they met, they always were distraught, and they committed suicide. Why? The worst prince in Erewhon was also pretentious, arrogant, and selfish.
However, the prince did not understand, and thought that he was a good person; yet no one dared tell him how deep his cruelty ran, because they were afraid that he would punish them and they would lose their lives.
After three years, there was not any princess in the land, but the prince needed an heir for the throne. This is why his father incited him to move to his mother’s country: Werlehese.
During his travel, he met some stuffs: blob, ghosts, wolves, vampires, false fairies, and the most disturbing: a demon. She was named Lilith, she was the prettiest girl he had seen, she had long ginger hair, and she had green eyes, deep green eyes. Such green eyes that Guéwen drowned in her eyes, he almost die! He was walking in the forest, quietly… When she called him sensually, he approached her, and he could not look at another thing.
By the way, in fact, she was horrible, fat, wrinkled, no tooth. She was the ugliest girl in the universe! However, the men did not see it; she was the devil… Guéwen was informed that a female demon attract the men to rob them of all their money. Unfortunately, he forgets it when he saw her.
Lilith told him she was lost. She wanted to go to the Lady-bird-castle, the Guéwen mother’s castle. However, Guéwen was not informed that she wanted to go there for killing his mother and marrying his stepfather. Therefore, blinded by Lilith’s beauty, he answered he was the prince of this kingdom, and that he was going to bring her to this castle.
They started to walk in direction of the prince’s house.
They arrived after four days. As the prince went to bed, Lilith went to the queen bedchamber; she took a dagger and stabbed the Queen in the back! Thereby, the prince did not have mother anymore… The following day, the entire kingdom was disappointed. Everyone’s mother was dead! The entire kingdom wanted to know: ‘‘who killed the Queen?’’. Everybody was suspected; you, you, even I. Nevertheless, quickly the prince was accused. Lilith too, but the judge decided that she was so much beautiful to be a killer.
Consequently, in the first place, Guéwen had to serve a life prison sentence; and in the second place, Lilith married the King, or rather, she stole all the gold, the diamonds and money from the Kingdom and left the place…
The worst prince of the universe became thus orphan, moneyless and locked. Nevertheless, in jail, he met a man, Jé, who was locked because nobody known if he was a man or not. Indeed, he had a man body, but he wore women clothes. He was a transsexual. Fortunately, or not, the prince did not know the prisoner’s story, and he found him, or her, very attractive and clever. Few months later, they fell in love; and many years ago, when the King died, they were pardoned. The prince recovered all wealth the Kingdom lost. Not long afterwards, they married; and even if Jé was really a man, the prince continued to love him; and so they lived happy, but with no child…
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Modifié par bridg le 06-01-2010 19:41
titre
Message de gloomiest-m posté le 06-01-2010 à 19:25:08 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, pour un devoir d'anglais de complément j'ai du écrire un conte, en anglais. Et je pense qu'il y a quelques erreur de grammaire, ou de style par-ci par-là... Je me suis relu activement, mais je ne suis pas bilingue, donc forcément tout n'est pas bon...
C'est pour cela que je vous demande amicalement si vous pouviez me corriger, rapidement, ce devoir.
PS: il est à rendre demain ... =S
Merci à vous. Bonne année.
Once upon a time, there was a young prince named Guéwen. He was the worst prince that his country, Erewhon, had known. He was handsome, tall, blond, and had very beautiful eyes. In addition, every princess wished that they could marry him. Nevertheless, the day after they met, they always were distraught, and they committed suicide. Why? The worst prince in Erewhon was also pretentious, arrogant, and selfish.
However, the prince did not understand, and thought that he was a good person; yet no one dared tell him how deep his cruelty ran, because they were afraid that he would punish them and they would lose their lives.
After three years, there was not any princess in the land, but the prince needed an heir for the throne. This is why his father incited him to move to his mother’s country: Werlehese.
During his travel, he met some stuffs: blob, ghosts, wolves, vampires, false fairies, and the most disturbing: a demon. She was named Lilith, she was the prettiest girl he had seen, she had long ginger hair, and she had green eyes, deep green eyes. Such green eyes that Guéwen drowned in her eyes, he almost die! He was walking in the forest, quietly… When she called him sensually, he approached her, and he could not look at another thing.
By the way, in fact, she was horrible, fat, wrinkled, no tooth. She was the ugliest girl in the universe! However, the men did not see it; she was the devil… Guéwen was informed that a female demon attract the men to rob them of all their money. Unfortunately, he forgets it when he saw her.
Lilith told him she was lost. She wanted to go to the Lady-bird-castle, the Guéwen mother’s castle. However, Guéwen was not informed that she wanted to go there for killing his mother and marrying his stepfather. Therefore, blinded by Lilith’s beauty, he answered he was the prince of this kingdom, and that he was going to bring her to this castle.
They started to walk in direction of the prince’s house.
They arrived after four days. As the prince went to bed, Lilith went to the queen bedchamber; she took a dagger and stabbed the Queen in the back! Thereby, the prince did not have mother anymore… The following day, the entire kingdom was disappointed. Everyone’s mother was dead! The entire kingdom wanted to know: ‘‘who killed the Queen?’’. Everybody was suspected; you, you, even I. Nevertheless, quickly the prince was accused. Lilith too, but the judge decided that she was so much beautiful to be a killer.
Consequently, in the first place, Guéwen had to serve a life prison sentence; and in the second place, Lilith married the King, or rather, she stole all the gold, the diamonds and money from the Kingdom and left the place…
The worst prince of the universe became thus orphan, moneyless and locked. Nevertheless, in jail, he met a man, Jé, who was locked because nobody known if he was a man or not. Indeed, he had a man body, but he wore women clothes. He was a transsexual. Fortunately, or not, the prince did not know the prisoner’s story, and he found him, or her, very attractive and clever. Few months later, they fell in love; and many years ago, when the King died, they were pardoned. The prince recovered all wealth the Kingdom lost. Not long afterwards, they married; and even if Jé was really a man, the prince continued to love him; and so they lived happy, but with no child…
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Modifié par bridg le 06-01-2010 19:41
titre
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