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Correction/nothing without diplomas

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Correction/nothing without diplomas
Message de coralinesawyer posté le 17-12-2009 à 22:26:36 (S | E | F)

Bonsoir, j'ai un petit devoir à faire pour aprés demain, j'aimerais bien avoir votre avis sur mon texte et des élements de correction si possible.Merci pour vos réponses.

Il y a deux expressions écrites, l'une qui traite de l'importance de l'éducation pour réussir dans sa vie ( j'espère que je suis pas HS ), et l'autre de l'importance de l'argent dans la société moderne ( elle est devenue une priorité )?

-Hi William, you know i would like you to work seriously rather than just undergo your schooling, you have to understand that nowadays we can do nothing without diplomas.
-I’m sorry but i don't agree with you, whatever we do at school, it's useless in the daily life
-It's your opinion, but what can you do without education ?
-Well, i can start with a little level job then, fewer and fewer, get a better job.
-I think you're mistaken, because now it's not exactly that
-But you know, if i take the example of actors or sportsman, many of them are quite well paid and haven't obtained any diplomas,
-Clearly, but they are rare, and you have to admit the fact you have more chance to have a job getting diplomas. Indeed our society needs peoples who have certificate which garanties their knowledge because the bosses will give you a job only if you have acquired a certain standard of education.
-All right, but on the other hand there are many unemployed people with a lot of displomas and education, and All roads lead to Rome ?
-Of course, all roads lead to Rome, but as i already said, some roads are very difficult to go through, it's about chance, and the more education you have, better is your chance to success.
After all i'm your father and i have to tell you that a successful career is very important if you want a happy life, a good jop is the result of years of work but, one day all that work will pay, knwoledge is power , you see ?
-Yes i see, thank you daddy, leave me a little time to reflect.
-No problem son, 'all things come to him who waits', i'm confident about you, you will do the best choice
-I hope...


From my point of view, money has become the priority in the modern society because without money we can be marginalised and put aside from the society.
All what we see and listen bring us to consume.
Its simple to notice, we just have to switch on TV, listen to the radio, go to the supermarket, and even the music we hear there is slow to make people calm.

Then we could think that money is mainly what people want. Indeed, nowadays we can’t have nothing without money.
It permit us to travel, buying whatever we need , facilitate the daily life, to resume ; improve our living conditions. So with money we could realize the dreams we ever had and being financially independent.
But of course money is not enough to make people happy. To have happiness in life, we need to have a good health, a good agreement with the family and some good friends whose we can be confident with, a work we like .
And the reals relations can't be etablish with money, otherwise, as soon as you'll get poor, you'll be alone.
Money shouldn't be the main goal in our life because it doesn't always bring happyness, but of course, it contributes to.
In many ways, unfortunaley money has become a priority in the modern life because nowdays a lot of people try to distinguish themselves by wearing marks clothes or driving an expensive car. But ''Clothes don't make the man'' someone with a modest incomes can be very valuable while a richer man might be pretentious and not interessant to speak with.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-12-2009 06:49




Réponse: Correction/nothing without diplomas de coralinesawyer, postée le 18-12-2009 à 06:55:24 (S | E)
Help me please :'(


Réponse: Correction/nothing without diplomas de seb06000, postée le 18-12-2009 à 10:12:33 (S | E)
bonjour,

voici des indications de correction:

Hi William, you know i( majuscule au pronom sujet) would like you to work seriously rather than just undergo your schooling (voc) , you have to understand that nowadays we can do nothing without diplomas.
-I’m sorry but i don't agree with you, whatever we do at school, it's useless in the daily life
-It's your opinion, but what can you do without education ?
-Well, i can start with a little level job (mal dit) then, fewer and fewer (voc) , get a better job.
-I think you're mistaken, because now it's not exactly that
-But you know, if i take the example of actors or sportsman( pluriel nécessaire) , many of them are quite well paid and haven't obtained any diplomas,
-Clearly, but they are rare, and you have to admit the fact you have more chance to have a job getting diplomas. Indeed our society needs peoples( people est déjà pluriel) who have certificate which garanties their knowledge because the bosses will give you a job only if you have acquired a certain standard of education.
-All right, but on the other hand there are many unemployed people with a lot of displomas (ortho) and education, and All roads lead to Rome ?
-Of course, all roads lead to Rome, but as i already said, some roads are very difficult to go through, it's about chance, and the more education you have, better is your chance to success.
After all i'm your father and i have to tell you that a successful career is very important if you want a happy life, a good jop (ortho) is the result of years of work but, one day all that work will pay, knwoledge is power , you see ?
-Yes i see, thank you daddy, leave me a little time to reflect.
-No problem son, 'all things come to him who waits', i'm confident about you, you will do the best choice
-I hope...


From my point of view, money has become the priority in the modern society because without money we can be marginalised and put aside from the society.
All what we see and listen bring us to consume.
Its (ortho) simple to notice, we just have to switch on TV, listen to the radio, go to the supermarket, and even the music we hear there is slow to make people calm (sens? ).

Then we could think that money is mainly what people want. Indeed, nowadays we can’t have nothing without money.
It permit us to travel, buying( il faut continuer avec un infinitif) whatever we need , facilitate the daily life, to resume (mal dit) ; improve our living conditions. So with money we could realize the dreams we ever had and being financially independent.
But of course money is not enough to make people happy. To have happiness in life, we need to have a good health, a good agreement with the family and some good friends whose( ici le relatif sera 'with whom') we can be confident with, a work we like .
And the reals (adjectif invariable) relations can't be etablish (be + participe passé) with money, otherwise, as soon as you'll get poor, you'll be alone.
Money shouldn't be the main goal in our life because it doesn't always bring happyness , but of course, it contributes to.
In many ways, unfortunaley money has become a priority in the modern life because nowdays a lot of people try to distinguish themselves by wearing marks clothes or driving an expensive car. But ''Clothes don't make the man'' someone with a modest incomes can be very valuable while a richer man might be pretentious and not interessant to speak with.



Réponse: Correction/nothing without diplomas de seb06000, postée le 18-12-2009 à 10:13:34 (S | E)
le message était trop long il reste sans doute des choses à corriger!

Sinon l'anglais semble bon!

Amicalement

sebastien



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