Mistakes/ in my short story
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais : Questions sur l'anglais || En basMistakes/ in my short story
Message de flori10 posté le 26-07-2024 à 17:05:35 (S | E | F)
Hello!!
To improve my English, I have written a short story. Could someone indicate the most painful errors I made?
Here is the story:
Lara had always wanted a pet, preferably a bird because she liked them singing.
After school, she always went to the pet shop and looked at a lovely green bird sitting in a cage in the window waiting for his new owner.
One day, Lara's father who had so far objected a pet, unfortunately died from poisoned food, and so there wasn't any obstacle any more to buy the lovely green bird from the shop.
So Lara and her mother went to the shop and purchased the little bird. They were both very happy the next morning when they woke up and heard the little bird singing. It was time to name him.
"I would like to learn from this bird to be able to sing as well as it can" Lara sighed.
Since Lara's mum wanted to cheer her daughter up after the death of her father, she agreed to her wish and found her an excellent music teacher.
Fortunately, the music teacher also liked birds and their singing and could even communicate with birds , so the three of them could work pretty effectively together.
"What a perfect duo the two of you make!" said the music teacher after Lara and Ken, the bird sang a duet together.
"You will see that the two of you will soon get invited to sing your songs in front of a grand audience!" he went on to predict.
Although they had just begun the lessons so Lara had some doubts about this prediction, one afternoon they received an unexpected letter from the Royal Family of the country who invited them to the palace to sing for the King.
On the big day, when Lara and her bird arrived at the palace, all the beautiful and rich people were dancing and laughing already and they encoutered there thus an already nice atmosphere.
This was Lara's first time to perform in front of such important people so she felt a little bit nervous. But the presence and the support of her pet gave her some comfort and soon, she felt ready to get on the stage.
"Don't stop singing!" the whole royal family and their relatives exclaimed after Lara and here bird had already sung for 1 hour and wanted to take a break.
Not wanting to offend the royals, Lara and her bird kept singing for another hour. At the end of their performance, they were applauded for many minutes. This is how their music career started.
It was a huge honour for them and not only Lara, but even her bird got all red in the face because they were so flattered.
Of course, there were journalists present at the event as well so the next day the whole country could read about their magnificent performance.
"Which teacher did you use to have now such magnifienct singing capabilities?" the journalist had asked them whereupon Lara had responded that the talent of the bird was natural and that hers was due to hard work with the bird's patient training.
The interview went very well. However, unfortunately when Lara read the article the next day, she discovered that it was full of brazen (=shameless) lies which were a big risk to their reputation so they quickly needed to find a solution to fix this situation.
In order to not get distracted in the future by such stupid articles, Lara simply stopped reading the newspapers. Ken hadn't had any problem, because he had never been able to read.
Thankfully, the public didn't believe the article so Lara and Ken remained loved by the Royal family and enjoyed their support in their blossoming career for many years. This girl and her bird became the most famous stars in the whole country and they lived happily ever after.
Message de flori10 posté le 26-07-2024 à 17:05:35 (S | E | F)
Hello!!
To improve my English, I have written a short story. Could someone indicate the most painful errors I made?
Here is the story:
Lara had always wanted a pet, preferably a bird because she liked them singing.
After school, she always went to the pet shop and looked at a lovely green bird sitting in a cage in the window waiting for his new owner.
One day, Lara's father who had so far objected a pet, unfortunately died from poisoned food, and so there wasn't any obstacle any more to buy the lovely green bird from the shop.
So Lara and her mother went to the shop and purchased the little bird. They were both very happy the next morning when they woke up and heard the little bird singing. It was time to name him.
"I would like to learn from this bird to be able to sing as well as it can" Lara sighed.
Since Lara's mum wanted to cheer her daughter up after the death of her father, she agreed to her wish and found her an excellent music teacher.
Fortunately, the music teacher also liked birds and their singing and could even communicate with birds , so the three of them could work pretty effectively together.
"What a perfect duo the two of you make!" said the music teacher after Lara and Ken, the bird sang a duet together.
"You will see that the two of you will soon get invited to sing your songs in front of a grand audience!" he went on to predict.
Although they had just begun the lessons so Lara had some doubts about this prediction, one afternoon they received an unexpected letter from the Royal Family of the country who invited them to the palace to sing for the King.
On the big day, when Lara and her bird arrived at the palace, all the beautiful and rich people were dancing and laughing already and they encoutered there thus an already nice atmosphere.
This was Lara's first time to perform in front of such important people so she felt a little bit nervous. But the presence and the support of her pet gave her some comfort and soon, she felt ready to get on the stage.
"Don't stop singing!" the whole royal family and their relatives exclaimed after Lara and here bird had already sung for 1 hour and wanted to take a break.
Not wanting to offend the royals, Lara and her bird kept singing for another hour. At the end of their performance, they were applauded for many minutes. This is how their music career started.
It was a huge honour for them and not only Lara, but even her bird got all red in the face because they were so flattered.
Of course, there were journalists present at the event as well so the next day the whole country could read about their magnificent performance.
"Which teacher did you use to have now such magnifienct singing capabilities?" the journalist had asked them whereupon Lara had responded that the talent of the bird was natural and that hers was due to hard work with the bird's patient training.
The interview went very well. However, unfortunately when Lara read the article the next day, she discovered that it was full of brazen (=shameless) lies which were a big risk to their reputation so they quickly needed to find a solution to fix this situation.
In order to not get distracted in the future by such stupid articles, Lara simply stopped reading the newspapers. Ken hadn't had any problem, because he had never been able to read.
Thankfully, the public didn't believe the article so Lara and Ken remained loved by the Royal family and enjoyed their support in their blossoming career for many years. This girl and her bird became the most famous stars in the whole country and they lived happily ever after.
Réponse : Mistakes/ in my short story de gerondif, postée le 26-07-2024 à 21:07:55 (S | E)
Hello
Very few mistakes.
To improve my English, I have written a short story. Could someone indicate the most painful errors I made?
Here is the story:
Lara had always wanted a pet, preferably a bird because she liked them singing.
After school, she always went to the pet shop and looked at a lovely green bird sitting in a cage in the window waiting for his new owner.
One day, Lara's father who had so far objected to (buying) a pet, unfortunately died from poisoned food, and so there wasn't any obstacle any more to buy the lovely green bird from the shop.
So Lara and her mother went to the shop and purchased the little bird. They were both very happy the next morning when they woke up and heard the little bird singing. It was time to name him.
"I would like to learn from this bird to be able to sing as well as it can" Lara sighed.
Since Lara's mum wanted to cheer her daughter up after the death of her father, she agreed to her wish and found her an excellent music teacher.
Fortunately, the music teacher also liked birds and their singing and could even communicate with birds , so the three of them could work pretty effectively together.
"What a perfect duo the two of you make!" said the music teacher after Lara and Ken, the bird sang a duet together.
"You will see that the two of you will soon get invited to sing your songs in front of a grand audience!" he went on to predict.
Although they had just begun the lessons
On the big day, when Lara and her bird arrived at the palace, all the beautiful and rich people were dancing and laughing already and they encoutered there thus an already nice atmosphere.
This was Lara's first time to perform in front of such important people so she felt a little bit nervous. But the presence and the support of her pet gave her some comfort and soon, she felt ready to get on the stage.
"Don't stop singing!" the whole royal family and their relatives exclaimed after Lara and here bird had already sung for 1 hour and wanted to take a break.
Not wanting to offend the royals, Lara and her bird kept singing for another hour. At the end of their performance, they were applauded for many minutes. This is how their music career started.
It was a huge honour for them and not only Lara, but even her bird got all red in the face because they were so flattered.
Of course, there were journalists present at the event as well so the next day the whole country could read about their magnificent performance.
"Which teacher did you use to have now such magnifienct singing capabilities?" the journalist had asked them whereupon Lara had responded that the talent of the bird was natural and that hers was due to hard work with the bird's patient training.
The interview went very well. However, unfortunately when Lara read the article the next day, she discovered that it was full of brazen (=shameless) lies which were a big risk to their reputation so they quickly needed to find a solution to fix this situation.
In order to not not to get distracted in the future by such stupid articles, Lara simply stopped reading the newspapers. Ken hadn't had any problem, because he had never been able to read.
Thankfully, the public didn't believe the article so Lara and Ken remained loved by the Royal family and enjoyed their support in their blossoming career for many years. This girl and her bird became the most famous stars in the whole country and they lived happily ever after.
Réponse : Mistakes/ in my short story de flori10, postée le 26-07-2024 à 22:17:52 (S | E)
Thanks a lot!
Réponse : Mistakes/ in my short story de gerold, postée le 26-07-2024 à 22:33:19 (S | E)
Hello
Not many mistakes but your text would be easier to read with a few more commas.
Lara had always wanted a pet, preferably a bird because she liked them singing.
After school, she always went to the pet shop and looked at a lovely green bird sitting in a cage in the window waiting for his new owner.
One day, Lara's father who had so far objected to (buying) a pet, unfortunately died from poisoned food, and so there wasn't any obstacle any more to buying (obstacle to + ing) the lovely green bird from the shop.
So Lara and her mother went to the shop and purchased the little bird. They were both very happy the next morning when they woke up and heard the little bird singing. It was time to name him.
"I would like to learn from this bird to be able to sing as well as it can" Lara sighed.
Since Lara's mum wanted to cheer her daughter up after the death of her father, she agreed to her wish and found her an excellent music teacher.
Fortunately, the music teacher also liked birds and their singing and could even communicate with birds , so the three of them could work pretty effectively together.
"What a perfect duo the two of you make!" said the music teacher after Lara and Ken, the bird, sang a duet together.
"You will see that the two of you will soon get invited to sing your songs in front of a grand audience!" he went on to predict.
Although they had just begun the lessons
On the big day, when Lara and her bird arrived at the palace, all the beautiful and rich people were dancing and laughing already and they encountered there thus an already nice atmosphere.
This was Lara's first time to perform in front of such important people so she felt a little bit nervous. But the presence and the support of her pet gave her some comfort and soon, she felt ready to get on the stage.
"Don't stop singing!" the whole royal family and their relatives exclaimed after Lara and
Not wanting to offend the royals, Lara and her bird kept singing for another hour. At the end of their performance, they were applauded for many minutes. This is how their music career started.
It was a huge honour for them and not only Lara, but even her bird got all red in the face because they were so flattered.
Of course, there were journalists present at the event as well so the next day the whole country could read about their magnificent performance.
"Which teacher did you use (can we say "use" a teacher ? I would simply write : Who taught you such ...) to have now such magnificent singing capabilities?" the journalist had asked them, whereupon Lara had responded that the talent of the bird was natural and that hers was due to hard work with the bird's patient training.
The interview went very well. However, unfortunately when Lara read the article the next day, she discovered that it was full of brazen (=shameless) lies which were a big risk to their reputation, so they quickly needed to find a solution to fix this situation.
In order
Thankfully, the public didn't believe the article, so Lara and Ken remained loved by the Royal family and enjoyed their support in their blossoming career for many years. This girl and her bird became the most famous stars in the whole country and they lived happily ever after.
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais : Questions sur l'anglais
