Let's suggest/45

Let's suggest/45
Message de here4u posté le 31-08-2023 à 14:04:20 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear writers!

Another new topic for you to write about. I hope many will participate enthusiastically, and that you'll do it as well as ever...

You mustn't be afraid of making mistakes... We LOVE mistakes, because they give us an opportunity to explain and correct them!

Here is today's topic: "What images and thoughts do the words:  «Back to work  after a good holiday» conjure up in your mind? " 140 to 160 words".

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice modalités encore modifiées pour cette Rentrée de grandes vacances. )
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible …
2. Très vite, cette première expression sera publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN sera libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), à ce moment là, comme il se doit.) Si un autre membre a déjà indiqué des erreurs en bleu, VOUS DEVEZ repartir de cette correction et la confirmer ou la corriger... Un seul essai à la fois sera publié pour corriger… Vous pourrez ensuite donner vos suggestions de correction (en vert!)

IMPORTANT ! Pour me faciliter le transfert des corrections successives de vos travaux sur le site, pourriez vous m'indiquer par un "(" le mot ou segment de phrase qui devrai(en)t être modifié(s), s'il vous plaît ?
ie. (I'm repeating for years... ou (was not only to want something,... Pourquoi ? Simplement parce que le site ne "garde" pas les indications de couleurs ou de soulignement etc. dès que l'on copie... Donc, je prends vos travaux, je les corrige au fur et à mesure avec les codes "bleu" ou "souligné" ou "vert", mais au moment où je vous poste la correction, je perds tout mon travail... et dois tout refaire mot à mot en direct avec deux fenêtres ou même deux écrans pour un travail fastidieux de copie point par point! Merci de votre aide !
Les modalités complètes sont accessibles sur le lien suivant :
Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ce que vous en ferez : ou ou **
Do your best, I trust You!
Correction en ligne le mercredi 13 septembre 2023.
J'attends vos envois en mp et publierai le premier dès que possible.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU and with us!

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 04-09-2023 à 00:11:43 (S | E)
Hello dears,

Voici la première EXPRESSION sur le nouveau sujet !

EXPRESSION: please, indicate possible mistakes and underline what looks clumsy to you.

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.
Particularly hear the clock ringing early in the morning and getting up in the grey ski. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks; Putting on jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious, and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories, that help me to get through the winter.
and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings go quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots

Thanks for your help!

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de magie8, postée le 04-09-2023 à 08:06:01 (S | E)
hello peut etre quelques petites choses a remedier

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.
Particularly hear the clock ringing early in the morning and getting up in the grey ski. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks; Putting on jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious, and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories, thatxx help me to get through the winter.
and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings go quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 05-09-2023 à 11:00:00 (S | E)
Hello dears,

EXPRESSION N°1: my indications:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.(Pourquoi aller à la ligne et mettre un point? On dirait bien que c'est la même phrase...? )
Particularly hear the clock ringing early in the morning and getting up in the grey ski. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks (attention, ceci n'est pas une phrase. Revoir la ponctuation.); Putting on X jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's X horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories that xx help me to get through the winter(. ? [Pourquoi ce point? et ce paragraphe?)
and keep me waiting until the next holidays.(partie de la phrase précédente ?)
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings XXXXX go quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots

Good! le gros problème de ce texte est la ponctuation. Le lecteur a besoin de savoir où commencent et s'arrêtent les phrases : la ponctuation doit l' y aider.

GREEN ALLOWED

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de magie8, postée le 05-09-2023 à 22:56:05 (S | E)
Hello ma correction suggest 1

EXPRESSION N°1: d'apres les indications:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult, particularly(HEARING) ringing the clock ringing early in the morning. Getting up in the grey ski: No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks, putting on ( A )jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's (A) horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories that (WILL help me to BEAR ) the winter and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings ( WOULD quickly VANISH.)
Even retired people SPEND their time SEARCH FOR some activities. env 150 mots

derniere version reprise avec un autre computer car je n avais pas la page entiere Merci 0 bientot Magie je suis désolée
"I cut corners" j ai un gros travail de revision pour le prochain examen d anglais at the Uni

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 08-09-2023 à 10:07:37 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Don't worry, Magie! You've already done a lot for us... and as far as your exams are concerned, don't forget: THE FORCE IS WITH YOU!

EXPRESSION N°2: please, indicate possible mistakes and underline what looks clumsy...

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy.
Because on vacation we have no obligation to do, we stay up late at night and wake up the next day at midday, no one reproaches us because it is our right
to rest after months of work. Waking up early in the morning to catch the train in a dark climate, take children to school, monitor their studies and health.
All this responsability which leads to depression, so we have to take a vacation to rest!
Finally eachh of us must do our job with love so that it is not a corvet on the contrary it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working and take a rest too. 147 words

Thanks for your help!

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 10-09-2023 à 10:52:31 (S | E)
Nobody to help?

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 11-09-2023 à 11:17:03 (S | E)
Hello!

OK! I'll do it!

EXPRESSION N°2: my indications.

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy.
Because transition?)on vacation we have no obligation to do (? complement expected), we stay up late at night and wake up the next day at midday, no one reproaches us because it is our right (pourquoi ce retour à la ligne ?)
to rest after months of work. Waking up early in the morning to catch the train in a dark climate, take children to school, monitor their studies and health. (Attention! Ce n'est pas une phrase!)
All this responsability (which) leads to depression, so we have to take a vacation to rest!
Finally eachh of us must do our job with love so that it is not a corvet(ponctuation?) on the contrary it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working and take a rest too. 147 words

Bien ! Pas de grosses fautes, mais la ponctuation est très approximative, l'enchaînement des idées [ mots de liaison] est à revoir.
Green required.

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de magie8, postée le 13-09-2023 à 10:08:23 (S | E)
Hello
EXPRESSION N°2: mes rectifications selon les indications.

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy,(due to) on vacation we have no obligation to do( anything.) We stay up late at night and wake up (at noon the next day, no one (blames) us/ tells us off) because it is our right, to rest after months of work. Waking up early in the morning to catch the train ( when the sky is still dark), take children to school, monitor their studies and health are as nightmare.
All this responsability (that) leads to depression, so we have to take a (holiday) to rest!
Finally each of us must do our job with love so that it is not a( drudgery), on the contrary it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working and take a rest too. 147 words

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 13-09-2023 à 22:42:35 (S | E)
Hello!

Voici vos EXPRESSIONS corrigées selon vos indications et suggestions. Bravo
et merci de votre travail !

EXPRESSION N°1: initial text and my preliminary indications:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.
Particularly hear the clock ringing early in the morning and getting up in the
grey ski. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several
weeks; Putting on jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's horror!
I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious, and pro-active colleagues, I have
got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories, that help me to get through the winter.

and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings go quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots

Serait une bonne expression, mais il faut revoir la ponctuation et les structures de phrases.
C'est "facile" à corriger !


Magie's indications:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.
Particularly hear the clock ringing early in the morning and getting up in the grey ski. No, I can't.
After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks; Putting on jumper, nylons,
make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious, and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads
of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories, thatxx help me to get through the winter.
and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings go quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots
Etrange que tu n'aies pas été gênée par la ponctuation et les alinéas...

EXPRESSION N°1: my indications:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult.(Pourquoi aller à la ligne
et mettre un point? On dirait bien que c'est la même phrase...? Je mettrais une virgule, sans aller à la ligne.)
Particularly hear(le fait d’entendre la sonnerie) the clock ringing early in the morning
and getting up in the grey ski. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing
a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks B mais:(attention, ceci n'est pas une phrase.
Revoir la ponctuation.); ou virgule, en fonction du sens ?) Putting on X jumper,
nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's X horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious and pro-active colleagues,
I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head full of memories that xx
(temps ?) help me to get through the winter(. ? [Pourquoi ce point? et ce paragraphe?
]and keep me waiting until the next holidays.(partie de la phrase précédente ?)
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings XXXXX go
quickly.
Even retired people pass their time to find out some activities. env 150 mots

Good! le gros problème de ce texte est la ponctuation. Le lecteur a besoin de savoir où commencent et
s'arrêtent les phrases : la ponctuation doit l' y aider.


EXPRESSION N°1: suggestions Magie.

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult, particularly HEARING ringing
the clock ringing/ ring early in the morning. Getting up in the grey ski:
. (là, un point) No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops
for several weeks, putting on A jumper, nylons, make up, to go and lock myself in a office: It's
A horror! I am tired of it in advance.
Well, no(pas très clair !)[In my reality,], It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job,
with conscientious and pro-active colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. I have got my head
full of memories * that WILL help me to BEAR the winter and keep me waiting until
the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings WOULD
quickly VANISH.
Even retired people SPEND their time SEARCH FOR/ doing some activities.
env 150 mots
De bonnes corrections, et un bon texte. Bravo.

- to be IN the rain/ in the sun, but UNDER clouds.
- the sky: le ciel// ski: le ski.
* my head is full of memories…
- to search : fouiller.
- Ne pas oublier l’article indéfini en position d’attribut : it’s a horror/ I put on a jumper.
- Rappel : that WILL help me to BEAR the winter: to help me bear/ to help me to bear: les deux formes sont bonnes
à l'exclusion de tout autre !
et "hearing the clock ringing/ ring early": les deux formes sont bonnes... "ringing" implique que l'action a été
effectuée au milieu de l'action, alors qu'elle était en cours. En revanche, "ring" implique que toute l'action
est considérée, du début jusqu'à la fin.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°2: my preliminary indications:

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy.
Because on vacation we have no obligation to do, we stay up late at night and wake up the next day at midday,
no one reproaches us because it is our right [???]
to rest after months of work. Waking up early in the morning to catch the train in a dark climate, take
children to school, monitor their studies and health. [???]
All this responsability which leads to depression, so we have to take a vacation to rest!
Finally eachh of us must do our job with love so that it is not a corvet on the contrary
it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working and take a rest too.
147 words

Même remarque que pour l'EXPRESSION précédente. La ponctuation est incertaine (souvent fausse) et les paragraphes
restent à justifier. AB par ailleurs.

EXPRESSION N°2: my indications.

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy.
Because transition?)on vacation we have no obligation to do (? complement expected),
we stay up late at night and wake up the next day at midday, no one reproaches us because it is our right
(pourquoi ce retour à la ligne ?)
to rest after months of work. Waking up early in the morning to catch the train in a dark climate, take
children to school, monitor their studies and health. (Attention! Ce n'est pas une phrase!)
All this responsability (which)leads to depression, so we have to take a vacation to rest!
Finally eachh of us must do our job with love so that it is not a corvet(
ponctuation?) on the contrary it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working
and take a rest too. 147 words

Bien ! Pas de grosses fautes, mais la ponctuation est très approximative, l'enchaînement des idées [ mots de liaison]
est à revoir.

EXPRESSION N°2: suggestions de Magie:

Returning to work after weeks of rest and relaxation surrounded by nature was not easy,(due to) on vacation(1) we
have no obligation to do anything. We stay up late at night and wake up at noon the next/ following day,
no one blames us/ tells us off) because it is our right, to rest after months of work. Waking up
early in the morning to catch the train when the sky is still dark, take children to school,
monitor their studies and health are as nightmare.
All this responsability (that) leads to depression, so we have to take a (holiday) to rest!
Finally each of us must do our job with love so that it is not a drudgery(2), on the contrary
it will be a place to express ourselves,speak and converse.
Then without work, life will be(3) a boring routine and to live happily you have to love working
and take a rest too. 147 words

De bonnes suggestions. C'est bien. Encore quelques zones d'ombres.

(1) Je ne comprends pas la correction choisie: due to: caused by/ because of: en raison de/ à cause de
J'attendrais plutôt le contraire : thanks to/ As we are on holiday
(2): une corvée: a chore/ a challenge/
(3): Nous avons ici une supposition, une condition, et il nous faut un conditionnel. Je pense qu'ensuite, il faudrait un point.
Je ne suis pas certaine de comprendre la fin: il faut aimer travailler et aimer prendre du repos? (construction du verbe à
revoir dans ce cas. )

Je suis toujours prête à corriger les FOLLOW UP WORK que vous ferez, que ce soit un paragraphe, une phrase, ou
un simple segment que vous auriez envie de corriger.
BRAVO à vous qui avez travaillé, et

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de magie8, postée le 14-09-2023 à 11:40:23 (S | E)
Hello follow up text 1

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult, in particular hearing the clock ring early in the morning. Getting up under the grey sky. No, I can't. After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks, putting on a jumper, nylons, make up, to go and be stuck in my office all day long: It's a horror! I am tired of it in advance.
In my reality, It was not so bad, I have a pleasant job, with conscientious and pro-actives colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. My head is full of memories that will help me to bear the winter and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings would quickly vanish.
Even retired people spend their time looking for doing some activities.
'
Je n'ai pas trop d'idées pour améliorer le no 2, pour l'instant, et j' ai un gros travail urgent et important qui m'attend.

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Réponse : Let's suggest/45 de here4u, postée le 15-09-2023 à 22:58:01 (S | E)
Un grand magie:

Je ne vais pas changer grand chose de ton texte, un peu de ponctuation, peut-être !

Follow up: text 1:

Getting back to work after a good holiday will be a bit difficult, particularly hearing the clock ring early in the morning! Getting up under the grey sky: no, I can't! After being out in the sun only wearing a loincloth and flip-flops for several weeks, putting on a jumper, nylons, make up, to go and be stuck in my office all day long: this is a horror! I am tired of it in advance...
In my reality, it was not so bad. I have a pleasant job, with conscientious and pro-actives colleagues, I have got loads of anecdotes to tell them. My head is full of memories that will help me to bear the winter and keep me waiting until the next holidays.
Holidays are great, nevertheless if they lasted all year, we would end up bored and our savings would quickly vanish.
Even retired people spend their time looking for some activities to do.

De bonnes corrections ! C'est bien !

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