Let's Suggest/32

Let's Suggest/32
Message de here4u posté le 09-02-2023 à 10:22:49 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear workers!

Here is the new topic for you to write about. I hope many will participate enthusiastically, and that you'll do it as well as previously...

You mustn't be afraid of making mistakes... We LOVE mistakes, because they give us an opportunity to explain and correct!

Here is today's topic,
"Suppose you have to leave your home and country ALONE and forever, on witness protection, for instance... [Your pets and loved ones will be taken care of, and have money. So will you.] What object (only one) would you absolutely take with you, and why?"(130 to 150 words)


Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible …
2. Le plus tôt possible, cette première expression sera publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN sera libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), à ce moment là, comme il se doit.)Si un autre membre a déjà indiqué des erreurs en bleu, VOUS DEVEZ repartir de cette correction et la confirmer ou la corriger ... Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger … Vous pourrez ensuite donner vos suggestions de correction (en vert!)

IMPORTANT! Pour me faciliter le transfert des corrections successives de vos travaux sur le site, pourriez vous m'indiquer par un "(" le mot ou segment de phrase qui devrai(en)t être modifié(s), s'il vous plaît ?
ie. (I'm repeating for years... ou (was not only to want something,... Pourquoi ? Simplement parce que le site ne "garde" pas les indications de couleurs ou de soulignement etc. dès que l'on copie ... Donc, je prends vos travaux, je les corrige avec les codes "bleu" ou "souligné" ou "vert", mais au moment où je vous poste la correction, je perds tout mon travail ... et dois tout refaire mot à mot en direct avec deux fenêtres ou même deux écrans pour un travail fastidieux de copie point par point ... Merci de votre aide !

Les modalités complètes sont accessibles sur le lien suivant :
Lien internet


( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ... ce que vous en ferez : ou ou ** Do your best, I trust You!
Correction en ligne le mercredi 22 février 2023.
J'attends vos envois en mp et publierai le premier dès que possible.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU and with US!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de here4u, postée le 12-02-2023 à 23:44:43 (S | E)
Hello dear writers and readers!


Here is EXPRESSION N°1: Will you help? Please indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...(green allowed on Wednesday morning.)


I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
What a better way to communicate with those I will soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do to get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! 154 words

Thanks for your help!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de maxwell, postée le 13-02-2023 à 21:28:25 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION 1: mistakes and clumsiness:
I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
(What a better way to communicate with those I will soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do to get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! 154 words

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de amalia80, postée le 15-02-2023 à 08:34:35 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION 1: suggestions
I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
( What better way to communicate with those I will soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do to get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! 154 words

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de maxwell, postée le 15-02-2023 à 09:09:42 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION 1: suggestions:

I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
(What better way (1) to communicate with those I (would (2) soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
(Besides (3), as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
(I (4) don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, (because (4) I still have a lot of training to do to get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones!

(1) What a great way to communicate! (exclamative) mais : What better way to communicate? (interrogative)
(à noter que l'utilisation de l'article dans une exclamative n'est pas systématique, c'est beaucoup plus compliqué que ça )

(2) Will n'était pas faux mais comme il s'agit d'une situation hypothétique ("if I had to leave my family"), je trouve que would est mieux ici

(3) And n'était pas mauvais, mais il y avait mieux

(4) Here4U me corrigera si j'ai tort mais cette formulation m'a paru trop calquée sur le français.

Merci pour l'auto-correction des espaces et de la ponctuation ...

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de here4u, postée le 16-02-2023 à 11:52:08 (S | E)
Hello, dear writers and readers!

Here is EXPRESSION N°2: Please indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...


This would be a cruel situation! I can hardly imagine myself living without the ones I love. I'd feel very lonely and sad!
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. I would make video calls with my love ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: Internet enables us to keep in touch with close family and close friends so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are digitalised (photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance. Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took.

I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w

for your help!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de amalia80, postée le 16-02-2023 à 13:20:53 (S | E)
HELLO!
EXPRESSION N°2: mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...


This would be a cruel situation! I I (can hardly imagine myself living without the ones I love. I'd feel very lonely and sad!
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. I would make video calls with my (love ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: Internet enables us to keep in touch with close family and close friends so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are( digitalised (photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance. Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took.

I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de here4u, postée le 18-02-2023 à 11:59:51 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Green allowed!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de amalia80, postée le 19-02-2023 à 08:59:32 (S | E)
HELLO!
EXPRESSION N°2: suggestions


This would be a cruel situation! I I ( 1 I can't imagine living without my loved ones . I'd feel very lonely and sad!
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. I would make video calls with my (
loved ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: Internet enables us to keep in touch with close family and good friends so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are( digitised (photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance. Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took.

I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w

1: la construction de phrase me semblait un peu lourde
-loved ones
-digitised
-pour éviter la répétition de close, je propose good ou intimate

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de here4u, postée le 20-02-2023 à 10:57:25 (S | E)
Hello dear friends!

EXPRESSION N°3: Please indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...

When I will be assured that I’m not in danger and my family neither, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning was not too suddenly, I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every family’s links abruptly and for always. I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it even.
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I have put all my datas, my photos, my emails and I will creat new counts, new wrong memories. It seem easy, but I know that I will be very desesperated being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend i forgot my family and friends... 150 words

for your help. (Green allowed on Tuesday evening.)

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de amalia80, postée le 20-02-2023 à 13:56:41 (S | E)
Hello dear friends!

EXPRESSION N°3: Please indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...

When I( will be assured that I’m not in danger and (my family neither , I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning ( was not too (suddenly , I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every family’s links abruptly and (for always . I know( that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it( even .
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I ( have put all my datas, my photos, my emails and I will ( creat new counts, new( wrong? memories. It seem easy, but I know that I will be very desesperated being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend ( i forgot my family and friends... 150 words

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de amalia80, postée le 21-02-2023 à 18:51:55 (S | E)
Hello dear friends!

EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions..

When I 1( am sure that I’m not in danger and ( 2 neither is my family , I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning ( is not too ( sudden , I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every family’s links abruptly and 3(for ever . I know( it is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it 4( anyway .
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I ( will put all my datas, my photos, my emails and I will ( create new counts, new( * wrong? memories. It 5 (sounds easy, but I know that I will be very( desperate being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with ( enthusiasm , but I don’t know how to pretend ( 6I have forgotten my family and friends... 150 words

* Je ne comprends pas l'emploi de wrong dans la phrase
1 emploi des temps après when
2 construction de phrase avec neither
3 pour toujours : for ever
4 de toute façon :anyway
5si on garde seem il faut mettre un S MAIS SOUNDS me semble plus approprié
6 I majuscule et le temps est faux

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de maxwell, postée le 21-02-2023 à 20:12:09 (S | E)
Hello

EXPRESSION N°3: mistakes and clumsiness

When I (will be assured that I’m not in danger (and my family neither, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning (was not too (suddenly, I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I (cut (every family’s links abruptly and for (always. I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it (even.
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I (have put all my (datas, my photos, my emails and I will (creat new (counts, new (wrong memories. It (seem easy, but I know that I will be very (desesperated being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with (enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend (i forgot my family and friends... 150 words


SUGGESTIONS:

When I (am (1) assured that (neither myself nor my family are in danger, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning (is (2) not too (sudden (3), I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I (should cut (ties with my whole (4) family abruptly and for (ever (5). I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it (anyway (6).
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I (will (7) store all my (data (8), my photos, my emails (9) and I will (create new (accounts (10), new (false memories. It (seems (11) easy (to do, but I know that I will be very (desperate to be alone. I will try to (rebuild my new life, do my new job with (enthusiasm, but I don’t know how to pretend (I've forgotten (12) my family and friends... 150 words

J'ai laissé mais j'aurais plutôt tout mis au conditionnel. Après tout, ce n'est qu'une hypothèse...
(1) Pas de futur après une conjonction de subordination => il faut utiliser le temps présent
(2) J'ai hésité avec l'irréel du passé...
(3) suddenly est un adverbe
(4) every family => renvoie l'idée de toutes les familles. My whole family => renvoie l'idée de l'entièreté de ma famille (c'est-à-dire, tous les membres de ma famille)
(5) pour toujours => for ever / forever
(6) c'est l'idée de "quand même", no matter what.
(7) le temps ne convenait pas puisqu'on se projette dans le futur
(8) data est déjà au pluriel (données)
(9) j'ai hésité à mettre : all my data, photos and emails
(10) il s'agissait de comptes sur des sites internet
(11) seems ou sounds mais il faut "s" final (3e personne au présent)
(12) Majuscule à I, et le temps ne convenait pas

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/32 de here4u, postée le 22-02-2023 à 21:46:26 (S | E)
Hello, dear workers!

Voici les trois EXPRESSIONS que vous avez "critiquées" et corrigées. et de tout ce travail !
Le sujet était : "Suppose you have to leave your home and country ALONE and forever, on witness protection, for instance... [Your pets and loved ones will be taken care of, and have money. So will you.] What object (only one) would you absolutely take with you, and why?"(130 to 150 words)

La protection des témoins est un système où il faut tout abandonner : passé, famille, amis et " disparaître " sans maintenir de liens afin de ne pas mettre en danger la vie de la personne protégée et son noyau familial. Donc, garder son téléphone portable (ou ses contacts ) ou même un ordinateur et continuer à les joindre pour donner des nouvelles ou en prendre, revient à ne pas respecter les conditions ... et le sujet !(et à se mettre vraiment en danger!)

EXPRESSION N°1: initial text and my reactions:

I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
What a better way to communicate with those I will soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do to get used (of them. (to get used to something)
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because ? (est-ce le bon mot de liaison ? ) this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! (La phrase semble construite à l’envers … )154 words
Sure! TB! Belle tentative d’évitement du sujet ! Bon texte par ailleurs...


EXPRESSION 1: indications:

I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me. (You wouldn’t be allowed to…)
(What a better way to communicate with those I will soon miss, (you can’t do that…) and to call for help in case of emergency?I suppose you’d have a phone in your new home, and a new cell phone…
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.(You’d have to hide !)
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do to (get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, (because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! 154 words OK.


EXPRESSION 1: suggestions N°1:

I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.
( What better way B to communicate with those I will soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
And, as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.OK
If I don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, it's because I still have a lot of training to do (to get used of them.
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, (because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones!
[je suis vraiment la seule à ne pas aimer l'ordre des segments dans cette phrase ? ] 154 words OK.

EXPRESSION 1: suggestions:

I am not a teenager, and I am not particularly interested in new technologies; however, if I had to leave my family and my country forever, I would definitely take my mobile phone with me.TB.
(What better way (1) to communicate with those I (would (2)Bonne correction.) soon miss, and to call for help in case of emergency?
(Besides (3), as I keep all the precious photos of my family and friends in this little black box, I think it could be a great comfort in my moments of sadness and loneliness.
(I (4) don't mention the many applications that could help me to find my way, inform myself, and even entertain myself, (because (4) I still have a lot of training to do to (get used of them.(I agree with you BUT… your suggestion is weak… )
So, as you can see, I prefer waiting a little longer before leaving everything behind, because this little miracle of technology, although very useful, will never replace my loved ones! OK.

(1) What a great way to communicate! (exclamative) mais : What better way to communicate? (interrogative) [Bonnes remarques ! ]
(à noter que l'utilisation de l'article dans une exclamative n'est pas systématique, c'est beaucoup plus compliqué que ça ) [Ah oui ? What do you mean ?]

(2) Will n'était pas faux mais comme il s'agit d'une situation hypothétique ("if I had to leave my family"), je trouve que would est mieux ici [Tout à fait d’accord !]

(3) And n'était pas mauvais, mais il y avait mieux [OK]

Merci pour l'auto-correction des espaces et de la ponctuation ...
(4) Here4U me corrigera si j'ai tort mais cette formulation m'a paru trop calquée sur le français. [Elle l’est ...]

Je continue à dire que le sujet a été en partie « évité », puisque les téls personnels et tous contacts sont forcément proscrits…

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°2: initial text and my reactions:

This would be a cruel situation! I can hardly imagine myself living without the ones I love. I'd feel very lonely and sad!
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. (Aussi en train « d’éviter le sujet ! ») I would make video calls ??? (no ! you can’t do that !) with my (love ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: (Internet enables us to keep in touch with XXxx close family and close friends so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are digitalised (photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance.TB Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took.
I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w

Je n’ai pas vraiment compris si l’intention de communiquer avec le passé est réalisée, ou pas …

EXPRESSION N°2: indications N°1

This would be a cruel situation! (I I (can hardly imagine myself living without the ones I love. I'd feel very lonely and sad!
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. I would make video calls with my (love ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: (XXX Internet enables us to keep in touch with xx close family and xx close friends so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are( digitalised [ ?](photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance. Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took. TB
I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w
Yes! But you haven’t really respected the question either…



EXPRESSION N°2: suggestions N°1

This would be a cruel situation! I I ( 1 I can't imagine living without my loved ones . I'd feel very lonely and sad! TB
However, to answer your tough question, I'd say that I'd take my laptop with me. I would make video calls with my (loved ones using VoIP technology as often as I could: (XXX Internet enables us to keep in touch with XXX close family and good friends OK so easily!
Moreover, as more and more things are( digitised (photos, videos, music, text documents etc.), a hard drive can store a large variety of files some of which may be of the utmost importance. Then I would also enjoy all the music I love, and dive into the photos I took.
I didn't answer "my wallet". As you said, I would be taken care of and would have all the money that I need, wouldn't I? 150 w

1: la construction de phrase me semblait un peu lourde
-loved ones [Oui ! I suppose it was a typo…]
-digitised : Lien internet

Digitalized something/ digitized something
UK : digitalised something / digitised something
Lien internet


- Pour Internet/ the Internet, voir le lien :
Lien internet


- pour éviter la répétition de "close", je propose "good" ou "intimate" (I don’t really understand where you’d put that…: good friends ?OK intimate friends ?[perhaps not !] ) Repetitions are not a real problem in English.
Bon texte et bonne correction !

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°3: initial text and my reactions:

When I (will be assured that I’m not in danger and (my family neither, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new (beginning (was not too (suddenly, I will have taken the time to (install (set up ?)a secret system of communication(s with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every (family’s (links (all ties) abruptly and for (always. I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it even.
This is why I (will buy a new telephone where I have put all my (datas, my photos, my emails and I (will (creat new (counts, new (wrong memories ??? fake memories ?). It (seem (looks ?) easy, but I know that I (will be very (desesperated (being alone. I (will try to (reconstruct my new life, do my new job with (enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend i forgot my family and friends... 150 words OK
Les emplois des temps sont étranges …(certains sont franchement faux.) Faire un effort sur ce point.

EXPRESSION N°3: indications N°1 :

When I( will be assured that I’m not in danger and (my family neither , I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning ( was not too (suddenly , I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every family’s links abruptly and (for always . I know( that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it( even .
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I ( have put all my datas, my photos, my emails and I will ( creat new counts, new( wrong? memories. It seem easy, but I know that I will be very desesperated being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend ( i forgot my family and friends... 150 words

EXPRESSION N°3: indications N°2

When I (will be assured that I’m not in danger (and my family neither, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning (was not too (suddenly, I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I (cut (every family’s links abruptly and for (always. I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it (even.
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I (have put all my (datas, my photos, my emails and I will (creat new (counts, new (wrong memories. It (seem easy, but I know that I will be very (desesperated being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with (enthousiasme, but I don’t know how to pretend (i forgot my family and friends... 150 words

EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions N°1:

When I 1( am sure B that I’m not in danger and ( 2 neither is my family , I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning ( is not too ( sudden OK , I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I cut every family’s links abruptly and 3(for ever . I know( it is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it 4( anyway .
This is why I will buy a new telephone where I ( will put all my (datas, my photos, my emails and I will ( create new (counts, new( * wrong? memories. It 5 (sounds easy, but I know that I will be very( desperate B being alone. I will try to reconstruct my new life, do my new job with ( enthusiasm , but I don’t know how to pretend ( I have forgotten my family and friends... 150 words De Bonnes corrections ! Bravo

* Je ne comprends pas l'emploi de wrong dans la phrase[Pas très clair, il est vrai… Je suppose que l’auteur a voulu parler de souvenirs inventés, "faux" …]
1 emploi des temps après when
2 construction de phrase avec neither[Oui ! Bien regarder la forme du verbe pour être sûr de ne pas faire de double infinitif !]
3 pour toujours : for ever=> [forever]
4 de toute façon :anyway
5 si on garde seem il faut mettre un S ? MAIS SOUNDS me semble plus approprié. [Il n’est indiqué nulle part que l’on entend le propos … Je pourrais garder seems, mais je crois que je préférerais "looks"... ] Lien internet



EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions N°2:

When I (am (1) assured that (neither myself nor my family are in danger, I will try to start a new life with my new identity. If this new beginning (is (2) not too (sudden (3), I will have taken the time to install a secret system of communications with my loved ones, because it is unthinkable that I (should cut (ties with my whole (4) family abruptly and for (ever (5). De TB suggestions. I know that this is dangerous and forbidden but I’ll do it (anyway (6).TB
This is why I will [là, je sens mieux un conditionnel pour toute la phrase…]buy a new telephone where I (will (7) store all my (data (8), my photos, my emails (9) and I will (create new (accounts (10), new (false memories. It (seems (11) easy (to do, but I know that I will be very ((desparate (orthographe. ) to be alone. I will try to (rebuild my new life, do my new job with (enthousiasm, but I don’t know how to pretend (I've (forgotten ??? est-ce le bon mot ? (12) my family and friends... 150 words Le futur marque la détermination… Je préfère rester dans l’incertitude, en utilisant would, assez inimaginable d’une telle hypothèse. ]

J'ai laissé mais j'aurais plutôt tout mis au conditionnel. Après tout, ce n'est qu'une hypothèse...
(1) Pas de futur après une conjonction de subordination => il faut utiliser le temps présent ; Lien internet
temps derrière when?

(2) J'ai hésité avec l'irréel du passé... [pour moi, le présent passe. Le prétérite marchait aussi… ]
(3) suddenly est un adverbe
(4) every family => renvoie l'idée de toutes les familles. My whole family => renvoie l'idée de l'entièreté de ma famille (c'est-à-dire, tous les membres de ma famille)
(5) pour toujours => for ever / forever [Oui]
(6) c'est l'idée de "quand même", no matter what.
(7) le temps ne convenait pas puisqu'on se projette dans le futur
(8) data est déjà au pluriel (données)
(9) j'ai hésité à mettre : all my data, photos and emails [serait OK !]
(10) il s'agissait de comptes sur des sites internet
(11) seems ou sounds mais il faut "s" final (3e personne au présent)
(12) Majuscule à I, et le temps ne convenait pas

Modifié par maxwell le 21-02-2023 20:12
Modifié par maxwell le 21-02-2023 21:17
Modifié par maxwell le 21-02-2023 21:18
Modifié par maxwell le 21-02-2023 21:18
Modifié par maxwell le 21-02-2023 21:20 merci pour ce bon et long travail ! et Bravo ! Bonnes corrections.

Vous êtes toujours libres de reprendre tout ou partie(s) de la correction dans le Follow up Work. [En ce qui me concerne, j'aurais des suggestions pour améliorer EXPRESSION N°3...]

Bravo et merci pour tout ce travail d'écriture et de corrections!

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