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Message de onmplremi posté le 09-05-2019 à 19:02:16 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Je passe mon oral d'anglais le mardi 14 mai et voici ma notion "Idée de progrès". Pourriez-vous me corriger mes erreurssvp s'il vous plait?
Elle est toute rédigée car ça me rassure d'avoir une notion bien écrite mais je ne pense pas pouvoir apprendre mes 8 notions par coeur et je ne pense pas que ce soit judicieux non plus. Cependant, j'aimerais savoir si mon oral est intelligible et si mes tournures de phrase sont correctes pour que je puisse les utiliser le jour J.
Je vous remercie d'avance pour vos retours et si jamais vousseriez étiez partant pour lire mes autres notions d'anglais (ou d'espagnol) ça m'aiderait beaucoup.
Mercii !
THE IDEA OF PROGRESS
The notion I’m going to deal with is “The idea of progress”. First of all, I’d like to give a definition of this notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. To put the notion into perspective, we’re going to have a look on the drone technology. The question is: What are the pros and cons?
Photos taken by drones:
A photo of Johannesburg: a wealthy, leafy middle-class neighborhood with large houses, gardens and swimming-pools. Across the street, we can see a sprawling slum with shacks huddled together. It houses underprivileged people. It is a symbol of social and racial segregation in South Africa.
A photo taken in Canada. The polar ice cap is melting. A bear is trying to find solid frozen ground. The photo makes it clear how thin the ice layer is. The bear’s habitat is in danger. It’s a warming about global warming.
Drones can get closer than planes or satellites. Moreover, they’re not as noisy and cumbersome as a helicopter, thus they don’t scare wild animals away. Drones are useful to promote causes, to raise awareness of issues and to denounce what’s wrong in the world.
“Drones are everywhere. Get used to it.” Article written by Alex Fitzpatrick
In September 2017, a hurricane blew over the island of Puerto Rico, destroying its electrical and communication network. People could no longer communicate with their relatives. Approximately 5 million Puerto Ricans living in the mainland US were unable to reach their loved ones. The phone company used a drone to set up connections again: a tethered drone beamed mobile-data signals up to 40 miles in all directions. It was a great success.
Companies are using drones in more and more ways. At first, they were used to take pictures of properties for sale and to deliver food on special occasions. Today, major companies are thinking of ways of using drones to make their business more efficient. Two giant companies are interested: Facebook because drones could beam Internet connectivity to isolated corners of the world and Amazon because drones are faster than trucks. Moreover, that technology could one day be used for time-sensitive health emergencies.
“Rising to a new threat” article written by WJ Hennigan
Law-enforcement officials are worried because drones are widely available and cheap. Anyone can buy one from a store or order one from Amazon. Unlike military drones they are not expensive. Drones are used by smugglers to spy on the border patrol. They can be used to deliver drugs. As they are smaller and not as noisy as helicopters, they can’t be spotted so easily. They have been used by terrorists to drop bombs on their enemies.
The strategic advantage of drones is that they are remotely controlled. They can be operated from the US mainland. They spare the lives of pilots. However, the human cost can be high because drones can miss their targets and kill civilians. They are not entirely reliable. Drones can be dangerous if you lose control. It is forbidden to fly drones over cities and sensitive areas.
To conclude, we can say that drones are useful, cheap, efficient, easy to deploy, great for photography and motion pictures and even fun to use. Large companies are starting using drones to develop new services and investors are pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into drone startups. Nevertheless, there are a few risks: breach of privacy, accidents, legal issues and potential misuse.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2019 22:41
Message de onmplremi posté le 09-05-2019 à 19:02:16 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Je passe mon oral d'anglais le mardi 14 mai et voici ma notion "Idée de progrès". Pourriez-vous me corriger mes erreurs
Elle est toute rédigée car ça me rassure d'avoir une notion bien écrite mais je ne pense pas pouvoir apprendre mes 8 notions par coeur et je ne pense pas que ce soit judicieux non plus. Cependant, j'aimerais savoir si mon oral est intelligible et si mes tournures de phrase sont correctes pour que je puisse les utiliser le jour J.
Je vous remercie d'avance pour vos retours et si jamais vous
Mercii !
THE IDEA OF PROGRESS
The notion I’m going to deal with is “The idea of progress”. First of all, I’d like to give a definition of this notion. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. To put the notion into perspective, we’re going to have a look on the drone technology. The question is: What are the pros and cons?
Photos taken by drones:
A photo of Johannesburg: a wealthy, leafy middle-class neighborhood with large houses, gardens and swimming-pools. Across the street, we can see a sprawling slum with shacks huddled together. It houses underprivileged people. It is a symbol of social and racial segregation in South Africa.
A photo taken in Canada. The polar ice cap is melting. A bear is trying to find solid frozen ground. The photo makes it clear how thin the ice layer is. The bear’s habitat is in danger. It’s a warming about global warming.
Drones can get closer than planes or satellites. Moreover, they’re not as noisy and cumbersome as a helicopter, thus they don’t scare wild animals away. Drones are useful to promote causes, to raise awareness of issues and to denounce what’s wrong in the world.
“Drones are everywhere. Get used to it.” Article written by Alex Fitzpatrick
In September 2017, a hurricane blew over the island of Puerto Rico, destroying its electrical and communication network. People could no longer communicate with their relatives. Approximately 5 million Puerto Ricans living in the mainland US were unable to reach their loved ones. The phone company used a drone to set up connections again: a tethered drone beamed mobile-data signals up to 40 miles in all directions. It was a great success.
Companies are using drones in more and more ways. At first, they were used to take pictures of properties for sale and to deliver food on special occasions. Today, major companies are thinking of ways of using drones to make their business more efficient. Two giant companies are interested: Facebook because drones could beam Internet connectivity to isolated corners of the world and Amazon because drones are faster than trucks. Moreover, that technology could one day be used for time-sensitive health emergencies.
“Rising to a new threat” article written by WJ Hennigan
Law-enforcement officials are worried because drones are widely available and cheap. Anyone can buy one from a store or order one from Amazon. Unlike military drones they are not expensive. Drones are used by smugglers to spy on the border patrol. They can be used to deliver drugs. As they are smaller and not as noisy as helicopters, they can’t be spotted so easily. They have been used by terrorists to drop bombs on their enemies.
The strategic advantage of drones is that they are remotely controlled. They can be operated from the US mainland. They spare the lives of pilots. However, the human cost can be high because drones can miss their targets and kill civilians. They are not entirely reliable. Drones can be dangerous if you lose control. It is forbidden to fly drones over cities and sensitive areas.
To conclude, we can say that drones are useful, cheap, efficient, easy to deploy, great for photography and motion pictures and even fun to use. Large companies are starting using drones to develop new services and investors are pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into drone startups. Nevertheless, there are a few risks: breach of privacy, accidents, legal issues and potential misuse.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2019 22:41
Réponse : Notion /Bac de gerondif, postée le 09-05-2019 à 21:03:34 (S | E)
Bonjour
Je ne trouve rien à redire à ce texte grammaticalement, c'est effectivement du bon anglais.
Réponse : Notion /Bac de onmplremi, postée le 11-05-2019 à 12:22:45 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup!!
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