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Correction/Idea of progress

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Correction/Idea of progress
Message de stitch posté le 30-04-2019 à 02:08:21 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir
je révise mon oral d'anglais et aimerais savoir si j'ai fait des erreurs s'il vous plait.
Merci beaucoup ;)

I will talk about idea of ​​progress. First of all, I would like to give a definition of this notion: the impression of progress can be improved, development or advanced technical modification, scientific or social contributing to make the world better.
What effect does this progress have on our society? Does it have a positive or negative effect?
At first technological, medical and finally social.

First, it simplifies everyday life. Take the example of a washing machine. Imagine bad nowadays comment on the invention before washing.
Almost all popular technologies of the phone towards the ultimate goal of reducing the effort of humans.
A second benefit is communication and mobility. Modern communication systems have drastically reduced communication time between two people. Today, communication between different countries is almost instantaneous. Travel time is also considerably reduced. Today you can taste the fresh fruits and vegetables that are still on the other side of the world.
World tourism has grown accordingly. Technology has also increased the productivity of almost every industry in the world. On the product in person.
Despite these benefits, new technologies have also been compared to the disadvantages.
Many technologies pollute the environment in other ways. The car produces a lot of CO2; the computer is difficult to recycle; and industry pollutes nature.
More work done by machines means less work for men. The human becomes more and more obsolete.
Electronic products are, for some, recognized as attackers, which can lead to health problems.
For me, the biggest problem is the reliance on new technology. Indeed, man no longer needs to think. For example, even if the calculator is a good invention, the man does not do any more mental calculation and does not work his memory anymore.
In addition, new technologies have created a form of inequality at all scales because they are not accessible to all.

Now, we will approach the subject from a medical point of view.
For hundreds of years, the research and experiments of many scientists have led to advances in medicine.
First there is the baby designer method. This technique is a good thing for parents who can not have children. However, this technique is also used to save a sick first child. It saves lives for sick people who are doomed
But this also has many disadvantages. For example, Anna, in the text "Designer baby" that we saw in class, went to see a lawyer because she refused to give a kidney to her sister, even if she died. She thinks it will never stop. The opinion of the two authors is opposed.
It is obviously a step forward and human beings must always progress in medical research.
Nevertheless, we can question two things. Is it necessary to save a human life at any cost? At a time when the world population is growing rapidly, would it not be "a solution" to resort to "natural selection" and let "mother nature" work by itself?
Finally, we will approach the subject from a social point of view.
Since the beginning of humanity, there have always been inequalities in society.
For example, between men and women, black and white, between countries, etc.
As a result, the social status of blacks has evolved. They passed from slaves to US President Barack Obama with thanks such as Martin Luther King and his famous speech "I have a dream" fighting the idea of ​​freedom and equality.
Women also fought for the right to vote and equality between men and women. They have been designated as inferior to men.
So time, combat and solidarity help to erase them.
The quality of life, education, employment, family life and equality in society have therefore evolved over the centuries.

In conclusion, progress has evolved each time. No matter the field, we create, discover and change things. However, keep in mind that, as in everything, there are advantages and disadvantages. Nothing is perfect and we may make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes it's right and sometimes wrong.
We must not forget the moral aspect or the consequences that progress can have on people.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2019 08:22



Réponse : Correction/Idea of progress de gerondif, postée le 30-04-2019 à 10:57:43 (S | E)
Bonjour
Votre style est souvent haché, les mots se suivant sans construction grammaticale. On a l'impression d'un découpage de phrases mises à la suite les unes des autres.
erreurs en bleu
I will talk (un peu brutal, ce futur) about the idea of ​​progress. First of all, I would like to give a definition of this notion: the impression of progress can be improved,(n'a pas de sens, le progrès peut être amélioré avec une virgule derrière improved) development or advanced technical modification, scientific or social contributing to make the world better.(pas bien clair)
What effect does this progress have on our society? Does it have a positive or negative effect?
At first technological, medical and finally social.(style haché, des adjectifs plantés au milieu de rien)

First, it simplifies everyday life. Take the example of a washing machine. Imagine bad nowadays comment on the invention before washing (en désordre et pas très compréhensible).
Almost all popular technologies of the phone towards the ultimate goal of reducing the effort of humans.(une phrase sans verbe !)
A second benefit is communication and mobility. Modern communication systems have drastically reduced communication time between two people. Today, communication between different countries is almost instantaneous. Travel time is also considerably reduced. Today you can taste the fresh fruits and vegetables that are still(vous diriez that come from, ok, mais si ils sont encore à l'autre bout du monde , comment on fait pour les gouter ?) on the other side of the world.
World tourism has grown accordingly. Technology has also increased the productivity of almost every industry in the world. On the product in person.(sens?)
Despite these benefits, new technologies have also been compared to(pourquoi ce verbe?) the disadvantages.
Many technologies pollute the environment in other(various) ways. The car(pluriel) produce a lot of CO2; the computer is(pluriel) difficult to recycle; and industry pollutes nature.
More work done by machines means less work for men. The human being becomes more and more obsolete.
Electronic products are, for some, recognized as attackers, which can lead to health problems.
For me, the biggest problem is the reliance on new technology. Indeed, man no longer needs to think. For example, even if the calculator is a good invention, the man does not do any more mental calculation and does not work (train) his memory anymore.
In addition, new technologies have created a form of inequality at all scales because they are not accessible to all.

Now, we will approach the subject from a medical point of view.
For hundreds of years, the research and experiments of many scientists have led to advances in medicine.
First there is the baby designer method. This technique is a good thing for parents who cannot have children. However, this technique is also used to save a sick first child. It saves lives for sick people who are doomed
But this also has many disadvantages. For example, Anna, in the text "Designer baby" that we saw in class, went to see a lawyer because she refused to give a kidney to her sister, even if she died(was dying). She thinks it will never stop. The opinion of the two authors is opposed.
It is obviously a step forward and human beings must always progress in medical research.
Nevertheless, we can question two things. Is it necessary to save a human life at any cost? At a time when the world population is growing rapidly, would it not be "a solution" to resort to "natural selection" and let "mother nature" work by itself?
Finally, we will approach the subject from a social point of view.
Since the beginning of humanity, there have always been inequalities in society.
For example, between men and women, black and white, between countries, etc.
As a result, the social status of blacks (black people) has evolved. They passed from slaves to US President Barack Obama with thanks to such people as Martin Luther King and his famous speech "I have a dream" fighting the idea of ​​freedom and equality.
Women also fought for the right to vote and equality between men and women. They have been designated as inferior to men.
So time, combat and solidarity help to erase them.(Génial !! le temps le combat et la solidarité aident à les éliminer, les femmes ! On va quand même avoir du mal à se reproduire !)
The quality of life, education, employment, family life and equality in society have therefore evolved over the centuries.

In conclusion, progress has evolved each time. No matter the field, we create, discover and change things. However, keep in mind that, as in everything, there are advantages and disadvantages. Nothing is perfect and we may make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes it's right and sometimes wrong.
We must not forget the moral aspect or the consequences that progress can have on people.




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