Correction/Alice
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Message de vaiana posté le 01-09-2018 à 02:27:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Pouvez-vous me donner un coup de main avec mon thème fr-an s'il vous plaît ?
Cela faisait cinq ans qu’elles ne s’étaient pas vues. Jusqu’à leur dernier déjeuner. Il était à peine huit heures, Alice sortait de sa douche quand le téléphone avait sonné. Elle avait jeté un regard distrait sur l’écran et hésité à répondre en voyant s’afficher un numéro qu’elle ne connaissait pas.
« - Alice ? C’est Cécile. »
Elle ne disait plus : « C’est moi », mais « Cécile ». Un prénom qu’Alice avait retiré de son répertoire. Aurait-elle répondu si elle avait su qui appelait ?
« - Il faut que je te voie, que je te parle, c’est très important, enfin ça l’est pour moi. Aujourd’hui, si tu as un moment.
- Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? C’est grave ? Je ne peux pas aujourd’hui.
- Tu ne peux pas t’arranger ? »
Alice s’arrangea. Elles avaient convenu de se retrouver pour le déjeuner dans un restaurant que Cécile avait choisi. Alice était paisible en se rendant au rendez-vous et s’en étonna. Elle ne put s’empêcher d’alerter ses sœurs, comme si leur dire allégeait la rencontre, en faisait une anecdote parmi d’autres. Elle ne prévint pas son mari. David était déjà parti au bureau et lui aurait conseillé de ne pas y aller.
It had been 5 years since they had been sawn. Until their last meal. It was about 8 a.m., Alice was getting out the shower cubicle when the phone chimed. She took an absent-minded peek on the screen and hesitated to answer seeing a numer she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."
She did not say anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had discarded of her folder. Had she answered had she known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Cannot you manage?"
Alice managed. They agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile chose for breakfast. Alice was serene when going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help apprizing her sisters, as if tell them lightened the meet, making of it a random anecdote. She did not apprize her husband. David was already going to the office and adviced her not to go there.
Merci pour votre aide.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-09-2018 09:17
Message de vaiana posté le 01-09-2018 à 02:27:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Pouvez-vous me donner un coup de main avec mon thème fr-an s'il vous plaît ?
Cela faisait cinq ans qu’elles ne s’étaient pas vues. Jusqu’à leur dernier déjeuner. Il était à peine huit heures, Alice sortait de sa douche quand le téléphone avait sonné. Elle avait jeté un regard distrait sur l’écran et hésité à répondre en voyant s’afficher un numéro qu’elle ne connaissait pas.
« - Alice ? C’est Cécile. »
Elle ne disait plus : « C’est moi », mais « Cécile ». Un prénom qu’Alice avait retiré de son répertoire. Aurait-elle répondu si elle avait su qui appelait ?
« - Il faut que je te voie, que je te parle, c’est très important, enfin ça l’est pour moi. Aujourd’hui, si tu as un moment.
- Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? C’est grave ? Je ne peux pas aujourd’hui.
- Tu ne peux pas t’arranger ? »
Alice s’arrangea. Elles avaient convenu de se retrouver pour le déjeuner dans un restaurant que Cécile avait choisi. Alice était paisible en se rendant au rendez-vous et s’en étonna. Elle ne put s’empêcher d’alerter ses sœurs, comme si leur dire allégeait la rencontre, en faisait une anecdote parmi d’autres. Elle ne prévint pas son mari. David était déjà parti au bureau et lui aurait conseillé de ne pas y aller.
It had been 5 years since they had been sawn. Until their last meal. It was about 8 a.m., Alice was getting out the shower cubicle when the phone chimed. She took an absent-minded peek on the screen and hesitated to answer seeing a numer she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."
She did not say anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had discarded of her folder. Had she answered had she known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Cannot you manage?"
Alice managed. They agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile chose for breakfast. Alice was serene when going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help apprizing her sisters, as if tell them lightened the meet, making of it a random anecdote. She did not apprize her husband. David was already going to the office and adviced her not to go there.
Merci pour votre aide.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-09-2018 09:17
Réponse : Correction/Alice de lucile83, postée le 01-09-2018 à 09:26:15 (S | E)
Hello,
Ce texte a déjà été traité ici : Lien internet
+
C'est un extrait de livre ...Lien internet
Les Séparées, De Kéthévane Davrichewy
Vous pouvez déjà vous auto-corriger
Réponse : Correction/Alice de vaiana, postée le 01-09-2018 à 14:18:13 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Il y a beaucoup de fautes ?
Réponse : Correction/Alice de lucile83, postée le 01-09-2018 à 15:08:52 (S | E)
Hello
It had been 5 years since they had been sawn*. Until their last meal. It was about 8 a.m., Alice was getting out the shower cubicle when the phone chimed. She took an absent-minded peek on the screen and hesitated to answer seeing a numer she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."
She did not say anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had discarded of her folder. Had she answered, had she known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Cannot you manage?"
Alice managed. They agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile chose for breakfast. Alice was serene when going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help apprizing her sisters, as if tell them lightened the meet, making of it a random anecdote. She did not apprize her husband. David was already going to the office and adviced her not to go there.
*they had been sawn
elles avaient été sciées !! les pauvres!Beaucoup de fautes
Réponse : Correction/Alice de vaiana, postée le 01-09-2018 à 17:22:08 (S | E)
Hello. Thanks.
It had been 5 years since they had been seen. Since their last meal. It was about 8 a.m., Alice was leaving the shower when the phone chimed/rang (pourquoi pas "chimed" ? je suis sûre de l'avoir lu dans Harry Potter !!). She had taken an absent-minded peek on the screen and hesitated to answer seeing a number she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."
She did not say anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had pulled out of her address book. Would she answered if she had known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Cannot you arrange you?"
Alice arrange her. They agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile chose for breakfast. Alice was serene when going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help apprizing her sisters, as if tell them lightened the meeting, making of it a random anecdote. She did not apprize her husband. David was already going to the office and advised her not to go there.
Merci !
Beaucoup de fautes mais déjà moins catastrophique que mon tout premier thème il y a un mois 
Réponse : Correction/Alice de gerondif, postée le 01-09-2018 à 17:55:11 (S | E)
Bonjour
Cela faisait cinq ans qu’elles ne s’étaient pas vues. Jusqu’à leur dernier déjeuner. Il était à peine huit heures, Alice sortait de sa douche quand le téléphone avait sonné. Elle avait jeté un regard distrait sur l’écran et hésité à répondre en voyant s’afficher un numéro qu’elle ne connaissait pas.
It had been 5 years since they had been seen.(encore une fois, lisez le texte :qu'elles ne S'étaient pas vues ! They hadn't seen each other for five years. It had been five years since they hadn't seen each other) Since their last meal.(jusqu'à, pas depuis !! up to ou until) It was about( à peine, pas environ !!) 8 a.m., Alice was leaving the shower when the phone chimed/rang (avait sonné, pas sonnait !!). She had taken an absent-minded peek(bof!!) on the screen and (et avait hésité!!) hesitated to answer (virgule) seeing a number she did not know.
« - Alice ? C’est Cécile. »
Elle ne disait plus : « C’est moi », mais « Cécile ». Un prénom qu’Alice avait retiré de son répertoire. Aurait-elle répondu si elle avait su qui appelait ?
« - Il faut que je te voie, que je te parle, c’est très important, enfin ça l’est pour moi. Aujourd’hui, si tu as un moment.
- Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? C’est grave ? Je ne peux pas aujourd’hui.
"Alice? It's Cecile (ou Alice here // Alice speaking)."
She did not say(c'est un imparfait, pas un passé simple, donc le prétérit ne va pas !!) anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had pulled out (crossed out, taken out, to pull, c'est vraiment tirer sur une corde) of her address book. Would she have answered if she had known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time ( if you have a moment to spare)."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
- Tu ne peux pas t’arranger ? »
Alice s’arrangea. Elles avaient convenu de se retrouver pour le déjeuner dans un restaurant que Cécile avait choisi. Alice était paisible en se rendant au rendez-vous et s’en étonna. Elle ne put s’empêcher d’alerter ses sœurs, comme si leur dire allégeait la rencontre, en faisait une anecdote parmi d’autres. Elle ne prévint pas son mari. David était déjà parti au bureau et lui aurait conseillé de ne pas y aller.
"Cannot you arrange you(ah, quelle horreur ! cannot ne s'inverse pas, can't you.s'arranger, c'est se débrouiller, trouver un moyen...)?"
Alice arrange her(gloup!!). They agreed (elles avaient convenu est un plus que parfait, they agreed un passé simple)to meet in/at a restaurant Cecile chose (idem) for breakfast. Alice was serene when(while) going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help apprizing(ne convient pas : telling, informing) her sisters, as if tell(gérondif, ing) them lightened the meeting, making of it a random anecdote. She did not apprize her husband. David was already going(= allait déjà, était déja parti est un plus que parfait du verbe go) to the office and (et lui aurait conseillé est un conditionnel passé !)advised her not to go there.
Réponse : Correction/Alice de vaiana, postée le 01-09-2018 à 18:31:26 (S | E)
Bonjour,
En effet, je ne fais pas assez attention aux temps...
Cela faisait cinq ans qu’elles ne s’étaient pas vues. Jusqu’à leur dernier déjeuner. Il était à peine huit heures, Alice sortait de sa douche quand le téléphone avait sonné. Elle avait jeté un regard distrait sur l’écran et hésité à répondre en voyant s’afficher un numéro qu’elle ne connaissait pas.
« - Alice ? C’est Cécile. »
Elle ne disait plus : « C’est moi », mais « Cécile ». Un prénom qu’Alice avait retiré de son répertoire. Aurait-elle répondu si elle avait su qui appelait ?
« - Il faut que je te voie, que je te parle, c’est très important, enfin ça l’est pour moi. Aujourd’hui, si tu as un moment.
- Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? C’est grave ? Je ne peux pas aujourd’hui.
- Tu ne peux pas t’arranger ? »
Alice s’arrangea. Elles avaient convenu de se retrouver pour le déjeuner dans un restaurant que Cécile avait choisi. Alice était paisible en se rendant au rendez-vous et s’en étonna. Elle ne put s’empêcher d’alerter ses sœurs, comme si leur dire allégeait la rencontre, en faisait une anecdote parmi d’autres. Elle ne prévint pas son mari. David était déjà parti au bureau et lui aurait conseillé de ne pas y aller.
It had been 5 years since they had not been seen/They had not seen each other for 5 years. Until their last meal. It was barely 8 a.m., Alice was leaving the shower when the phone had chimed/rung. She had taken an absent-minded peek/look on the screen and hesitated to answer, seeing a number she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."/ hm "Cecile here" plutôt, non ?
She was not saying anymore: "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had crossed out of her address book. Would she have answered if she had known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time/any moment to spare."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Can't you/Can you not find a little time?"
Alice found a little time. They had agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile had chosen for breakfast. Alice was serene while going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help telling her sisters, as if telling them lightened the meeting, making of it a random anecdote. She did not inform her husband. David had already gone to the office and would advised her not to go there.
Merci.
Réponse : Correction/Alice de gerondif, postée le 01-09-2018 à 18:55:51 (S | E)
Bonjour
It had been 5 years since they had not been seen/They had not seen each other for 5 years. Until their last(peut-être plutôt latest ou more recent) meal. It was barely 8 a.m., Alice was leaving the shower when the phone had chimed(c'est pour les portes d'entrée qui carillonnent)/rung. She had taken an absent-minded peek/look on the screen and hesitated to answer, seeing a number she did not know.
"Alice? It's Cecile."/ hm "Cecile here" plutôt, non ?
She was not saying anymore (she was no longer saying, anymore sonne mal en fin de votre phrase): "It's me" but "Cecile." A name Alice had crossed out of her address book. Would she have answered if she had known who was calling?
"I have to see you, to talk to you, it is very important, at least, it is for me. Today, if you have any time/any a moment to spare."
"What is going on? Is it serious? I cannot today."
"Can't you/Can you not(rare) find a little time?" (can't you manage that ?)
Alice found a little time. They had agreed to meet in a restaurant Cecile had chosen for breakfast. Alice was serene while going to the appointment and was astonished by that. She could not help telling her sisters, as if telling them lightened the meeting, making of it a random anecdote. She did not inform her husband. David had already gone to the office and would advised(aurait = would have, conseillé = advised) her not to go (there).
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