Correction/Erasmus

Correction/Erasmus
Message de missa posté le 14-02-2018 à 17:25:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je candidate dépose ma candidature au programme Erasmus et j'aimerais beaucoup qu'on m'aide à corriger ma lettre de motivation.

Having the option offered to the students concerning studying abroad, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.
My professional project is found by the possibility of the international career. I would like to specialize myself in the International and European law for my first year in postgraduate. Erasmus is necessary for me.
Moreover, the fact that these skills are proposed at the University College Cork is a chance for me. This program offers a global vision of the international law and the Irish law. That corresponds exactly to my professional project. These subjects would make it possible to reinforce my competences with international law and English language.
Indeed, this opportunity to live one year in Ireland will enable me to open my mind with the Irish culture. I have an important interest to the Anglo-Saxon culture. Therefore, I have taken the course of English literature in English during my première L and my terminale L. This year is for me a possibility to realize one of my ambitious: boost a lot of English.
Besides, since I started my studies I really wanted to spend one year abroad. The Erasmus program constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate the professional life more easily. A year abroad would be an experiment without any doubt very enriching to my professional and personal development and my level in English.
I perfectly know that my level is not adequate, but I will meet English people to speak with they thanks to café des langues, I try to make my hobbies in English and I will travel in London for three days to step into the Anglo-Saxon culture and English language. Since I began this current year, I prepare to participate in Erasmus program and I continue to improve in English each every day. As well, I provide the financial aspect, while I worked during my summer vacancies.
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Merci d'avance pour votre aide

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-02-2018 18:42

---

Réponse : Correction/Erasmus de dsmith, postée le 14-02-2018 à 18:14:05 (S | E)
Hello,

Having the option offered to the students concerning studying abroad, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.
(I suggest you not write in the passive voice...I am highly interested and hope you will consider my candidature)

My professional project is found by the possibility of the international career. (why is your project found? I don't understand) I would like to specialize myself (remove - not reflexive in English) in the(remove) International and European law for my first year in postgraduate studies. Erasmus is necessary (necessary this is a strong statement - may Erasmus is an important opportunity to help me prepare for my profession) for me.
Moreover, the fact that these skills are proposed at the University College Cork is a chance (great opportunity) for me. This program offers a global vision of the international law and the Irish law. That corresponds exactly to my professional project (we don't say professional project in English...to my career aspirations). These subjects would make it possible to reinforce my competences with international law and the English language.
Indeed, this opportunity to live one year in Ireland will enable me to open my mind with (you open your mind to something) the Irish culture. I have an important interest to (in) the Anglo-Saxon culture. Therefore, I have taken the course of English Literature course in English during my première L and my terminale L. This year is for me a possibility to realize one of my ambitious (you need the noun form of this word): boost a lot of (awkward...greatly improve my) English.
Besides, since I started my studies I have really wanted to spend one year abroad. The Erasmus program constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate the professional life more easily find a job in this field. A year abroad would be an experiment (a great experience) without any doubt very enriching to my professional and personal development and my level in English.
I perfectly know that my English level is not adequate (or better: needs improvement), but I will meet English people to speak with they thanks to café des langues, I try to make (do) my hobbies in English and I will travel in London for three days to step into the Anglo-Saxon culture and English language. Since I began this current year, I prepare to participate in the Erasmus program and I continue to improve in English each and every day. As well (we don't start a sentence with as well. Use "In addition, ", I provide the financial aspect, while I worked (I prepared myself financially by working) during my summer vacancies (vacances is not translated as vacancies).

Yours faithfully,
XXX

I don't see "Yours faithfully" much.
Choissez un d'ici:
Lien internet

The following options are all good ways to close a formal letter:
Best regards,
Best wishes,
Best,
My best,
Regards,
Respectfully,
Respectfully yours,
Sincerely,
Sincerely yours,
Thank you,
Yours respectfully,
Yours sincerely,
Yours truly,
Cordially,
Cordially yours,
With appreciation,
With gratitude,
With sincere appreciation,
With sincere thanks,

---

Réponse : Correction/Erasmus de bluestar, postée le 14-02-2018 à 21:18:00 (S | E)
Hello,

"the fact that these skills are proposed at the University College Cork" --- Here I would prefer to say: "the fact that this course is available etc." -- after all, a college doesn't "propose skills"

---

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais